Artemas Ward Quotes

I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also.

Trouble will come soon enough, and when he does come receive him as pleasantly as possible. The more amiably you greet him, the sooner he will go away.

The Puritans nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but could prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.

Let's have the Union restored as it was, if we can; but if we can't, I'm in favor of the Union as it wasn't.

It is true, that all married men have their own way, but the trouble is they don't all have their own way of having it.

I prefer temperance hotels - although they sell worse kinds of liquor than any other kind of hotels.

We wish genius and morality where affectionate companions, but it is a fact that they are often bitter enemies. They don't necessarily coalesce any more than oil and water do.

I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even than I am.

A writer who can't write in a grammerly manner better shut up shop.

One of the principal features of my entertainment is that it contains so many things that don't have anything to do with it.

Imagine for a moment Napoleon I, to have borne the name of Jenkins, or Washington to have sustained the appellation of John Smith!

The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop Over!.... G. Washington never slopt over.