Discworld Quotes

"Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind."

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out.

The pen is mightier than the sword ... if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease.

He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.

What can the harvest hope for...

Words are the litmus paper of the mind.

I imagine that fish have no word for water.

I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts.

Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous.

Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.

And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!

Not a man to mince words. People, yes. But not words.

What're quantum mechanics?" "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose.

A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

This I choose to do. If there is a price, this I choose to pay. If it is my death, then I choose to die. Where this takes me, there I choose to go. I choose. This I choose to do.

You can't find a hermit to teach you herming, because of course that rather spoils the whole thing.

Creators aren't gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It's men that make gods. This explains a lot.

Most gods find it hard to walk and think at the same time.

Despite rumor, Death isn't cruel--merely terribly, terribly good at his job.

The pamphlet was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based.

And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.

His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.

I am death, not taxes. I turn up only once.

Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving

You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?

This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done.

We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally, however, there are alternate pasts.

As we all know, the Discworld is a flat planet - like a geological pizza, but without the anchovies.