Funny Christmas Quotes

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

One can never have enough socks

I love Christmas, not just because of the presents but because of all the decorations and lights and the warmth of the season.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.

We have a small, tight family. I left home at a young age and the best thing for me was to go home at Christmas-time and spend time with my family and friends. It's kind of funny, most people do turkey and all the trimmings, but we would have a big seafood festival because it's the only time of the year that we'd eat it. We never really went caroling, but once in a while we'd got out for a sleigh ride

Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.

The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: "Some assembly required."