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Funny Christmas Quotes

1.
This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
Anthony Jeselnik

Authors on Funny Christmas Quotes: Andy Borowitz Dave Barry Terry Alderton Douglas Coupland J. K. Rowling John Leo Anthony Jeselnik Publilius Syrus Jimmy Roy Arlo Guthrie Erma Bombeck Kylie Minogue Ashley Tisdale
2.
Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
Douglas Coupland

3.
One can never have enough socks
J. K. Rowling

4.
I love Christmas, not just because of the presents but because of all the decorations and lights and the warmth of the season.
Ashley Tisdale

5.
I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.
Kylie Minogue

6.
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz

7.
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Publilius Syrus

8.
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz

9.
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
Erma Bombeck

10.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie

11.
Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
Andy Borowitz

12.
My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
Dave Barry

13.
Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.
Terry Alderton

14.
The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: "Some assembly required."
John Leo

15.
We have a small, tight family. I left home at a young age and the best thing for me was to go home at Christmas-time and spend time with my family and friends. It's kind of funny, most people do turkey and all the trimmings, but we would have a big seafood festival because it's the only time of the year that we'd eat it. We never really went caroling, but once in a while we'd got out for a sleigh ride
Jimmy Roy