Will Cuppy Quotes

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.

Orangutans teach us that looks are not everything-but warned near it.

The Chameleon's face reminded Aristotle of a Baboon. Aristotle wasn't much of a looker himself.

Other countries may boast of this and that, but nobody can touch the United States for poisonous snakes. We have about twenty species, most of them deadly, and Europe has only five or six, none of them much good. We have fifteen kinds of Rattlesnakes alone and nobody else has even one. [Footnote: There is a species in Central and South America, but it probably came from here.]

The Zebra is striped all over so that the Lion can see him and eat him. Some people say he is striped so that the Lion can not see him. These people believe that the stripes of the Zebra simulate the bars of sunlight falling through the tall jungle grasses and that therefore the Zebra is invisible and that the earth is flat.

The Love bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate-who is locked into the same cage.

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

To the seeing eye life is mostly Sparrows.

Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.

A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.

A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.

[Footnote:] The female of any species is generally regarded as a relatively anabolic organism, more passive than the male, who is relatively katabolic and active. The fact remains that one frequently runs across a rather katabolic female.

The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.

[Footnote:] To give the Beaver his due, he does things because he has to do them, not because he believes that hard work per se will somehow make him a better Beaver -- the Beaver may be dumb, but he is not that dumb! The Beaver was made to gnaw, and gnaw he does. There you have him in a nutshell.

We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.

My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can't be helped.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.

Much still remains to be learned about his sex life because the Hummingbird is quicker than the eye.

Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

It is because of his brain that he [modern man] has risen above the animals. Guess which animals he has risen above.

I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.

The wren-box problem is becoming more acute each year, for wrens now demand better housing conditions and labor-saving devices.

It's easy to see the faults in people, I know; and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.

Most people, it seems, think that Robinson Crusoe when he landed on his Island had nothing to keep him from starvation or anything else. As a matter of fact he had twelve raft loads of supplies that he took off the wrecked ship. He had as much food and furniture as if he had had a delicatessen store and Fifth Avenue outside his hut.

The hippopotamus looks monogamous- he looks as if he would have to be.

Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.

I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work.

Three million alligators were killed in Florida between 1880 and 1900. Goody!

As Darwin puts it in The Descent of Man, 'Male snakes, though appearing so sluggish, are amorous.' Isn't that just like Darwin? It was one of his main ideas, you know, that the males of almost all animals have stronger passions than the females. Since then we've learned a thing or two. At any rate, the female snake is right there when spring arrives in the woods.

They [the Pilgrims] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.

Male penguins are unfaithful up to an advanced age, a phenomenon sometimes attributed to the sea air.

If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up, he will roll over to prove that he is dead... While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club.

I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.

I'm a poetry-skipper myself. I don't like to boast, but I have probably skipped more poetry than any other person of my age and weight in this country - make it any other two persons. This doesn't mean that I hate poetry. I don't feel that strongly about it. It only means that those who wish to communicate with me by means of the written word must do so in prose.

Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.

The Earthworm plows the whole world with his tunnels, drains and aerates the earth… If you ever buy any land, be sure it has plenty of Earthworms toiling and moiling all day so that you can sit down and relax.

Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A.D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't.

The trouble with the dictionary is that you have to know how a word is spelled before you can look it up to see how it is spelled.

Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured he was abnormal.

The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.

We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.

The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on.

Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don't have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.

Henry VIII had so many wives because his dynastic sense was very strong whenever he saw a maid of honour.

The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn't say.

[Footnote:]Each male has from 2 to 790 females with whom he discusses current events. Of these he marries from 3 to 17.