1.
I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn't hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I'm stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.
Beatrice Sparks
2.
How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten an function still talk and smile and concentrate?
Beatrice Sparks
3.
Maybe the new me will be different.
Beatrice Sparks
4.
Why is life so difficult? Why can't we be just ourselves and have everyone accept us the way we are?
Beatrice Sparks
5.
I’m really cracking. No, I’m beyond cracking. I’m shattered. I’m lost. I’m fragmented.
Beatrice Sparks
6.
They have accepted me as an individual, as a personality, as an entity. I belong! I am important! I am somebody!
Beatrice Sparks
7.
My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.
Beatrice Sparks
8.
I’ve got to sleep. Sleep is my only way to escape.
Beatrice Sparks
9.
They don’t think “I care,” “I hurt,” or “I have feelings.” It just seems like I’m always “wrong,” always “selfish,” always “self-centered” and everything else that’s negative and destructive.
Beatrice Sparks
10.
The voice of every kid hooked on drugs, alcohol or the occult joins the sad chorus "Not me! I didn't think it could ever happen to me. I was sure I could handle it.
Beatrice Sparks
11.
Alone. The saddest word in the world.
Beatrice Sparks
12.
The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it's just dull. Everything's dull. Maybe it's because I'm growing up and life is becoming more blase.
Beatrice Sparks
13.
I'm partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing. Sometimes I think we're all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don't like them. Kids are like robots, off an assembly line, and I don't want to be a robot!
Beatrice Sparks
14.
I would like to stay stoned all the time, it scares me it’s so good. I would like to stay stoned every minute of every day for the rest of my life.
Beatrice Sparks
15.
I can't believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it's only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.
Beatrice Sparks
16.
She didn't know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home.
Beatrice Sparks
17.
I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs--which shows how screwed up this world really is!
Beatrice Sparks
18.
I'm afraid to live and afraid to die.
Beatrice Sparks
19.
I pretend I've got lots of confidence and I'm a big jock and like that but deep inside I'm a frightened, insecure, can't-make-it failure.
Beatrice Sparks
20.
one day I'll be old, without ever having really been young
Beatrice Sparks
21.
Nobody's talking to me, but nobody's hassling me either. I guess you can't have everything.
Beatrice Sparks
22.
How can thoughts hurt so much when they aren't even physical?
Beatrice Sparks
23.
Lying - remembering beauty in truth.
Beatrice Sparks
24.
I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe Lewis G Carroll was on drugs too.
Beatrice Sparks
25.
I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.
Beatrice Sparks
26.
This morning when I left Mom's parting words were, "Come straight home after school." Wow! Like I'm going to get stoned at 3:30—it doesn't sound so bad at that.
Beatrice Sparks
27.
I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.
Beatrice Sparks
28.
It's a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.
Beatrice Sparks
29.
I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.
Beatrice Sparks
30.
Sometimes fantasies are better than life.
Beatrice Sparks
31.
The complete bottom has fallen out of my life.
Beatrice Sparks