1.
Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!
Craig Benzine
2.
During a heat wave every dude stinks.
Craig Benzine
3.
Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!
Craig Benzine
4.
It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.
Craig Benzine
5.
Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.
Craig Benzine
6.
Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.
Craig Benzine
7.
Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.
Craig Benzine
8.
The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.
Craig Benzine
9.
Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.
Craig Benzine
10.
At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.
Craig Benzine
11.
Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.
Craig Benzine
12.
Theres nothing to fear but
fears themselves, such as monsters,
rejection, food poisoning, redundancy,
monsters, and oxford commas.
Craig Benzine
13.
I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Craig Benzine
14.
The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!
Craig Benzine
15.
Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.
Craig Benzine
16.
Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.
Craig Benzine
17.
Everything is optional.
Somethings are illegal.
And some things are really gross.
Craig Benzine
18.
If you're gonna lob something, lob love.
Craig Benzine
19.
Options are good. Keeps people choosing.
Craig Benzine
20.
I love it when the coffee's done!
Craig Benzine
21.
Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.
Craig Benzine
22.
People alive are better than people not alive.
Craig Benzine
23.
The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.
Craig Benzine
24.
Are imperfections is which make we grate.
Craig Benzine
25.
Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.
Craig Benzine
26.
Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.
Craig Benzine
27.
I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.
Craig Benzine
28.
It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.
Craig Benzine
29.
Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.
Craig Benzine
