Dean Martin Quotes

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

The whole world is drunk and we're just the cocktail of the moment. Someday soon, the world will wake up, down two aspirin with a glass of tomato juice, and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about.

When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.

When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore.

If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

I don't drink anymore... I freeze it and eat it like a popsicle.

It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

Somewhere there's a someone for me. Though I may be lonely now, I'll see it through somehow, to somebody's heart I know I hold the key.

The world is the same you never change it, as sure as the stars shine above. Well, you're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.

Love is a flower that blooms so tender, each kiss a dew drop of sweet surrender. Love is a moment of life enchanting, let's take that moment that tonight is granting.

In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.

When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

Your lips and mine, two sips of wine, memories are made of this.

If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'

With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life.

The thing I notice first about a woman is her walk. A beautiful woman is like a race horse-slim, sleek and with a beautiful carriage.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!

Your love made it all worth waiting for some like you.

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime.

Everybody makes mistakes; look at Hitler.

Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking, or that look in your eye, just standing on the corner watching all the girls go by.

The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

Return to me, for my heart wants you only. Hurry home, hurry home, won't you please hurry home to my heart.

I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.

Motivation is a lotta crap.

Haven't got a girl, but I can wish. So I'll take me down to Main Street and that's where I'll select my imaginary dish.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

In order to share intimate feelings, you have to have intimate feelings.

Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.