1.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin
You're not inebriated if you can recline on the ground without relying on anything.
2.
The whole world is drunk and we're just the cocktail of the moment. Someday soon, the world will wake up, down two aspirin with a glass of tomato juice, and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about.
Dean Martin
3.
When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.
Dean Martin
Flip the script.
4.
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore.
Dean Martin
When the world looks to be shimmering like you've been drinking ambrosia, that's love.
5.
If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.
Dean Martin
If this is just a prelude, my life will be splendid.
6.
I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.
Dean Martin
I was so inebriated last night I toppled over and failed to connect with the ground.
7.
I don't drink anymore... I freeze it and eat it like a popsicle.
Dean Martin
I abstain from alcohol... I chill it and savor it like an icy treat.
8.
It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'
Dean Martin
'She's the one who drove me to intoxication. Now that I think about it, I never had the chance to express my gratitude. 'Greetings ma'am! Is everything a bit hazy for you? 'Cause you seem foggy to me!'
9.
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.
Dean Martin
If you imbibe, don't motor. Don't even putter.
10.
Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.
Dean Martin
Milton Berle serves as a paragon for all aspiring entertainers. Dedication, tenacity, and self-control: everything required...when natural aptitude is lacking.
11.
Somewhere there's a someone for me. Though I may be lonely now, I'll see it through somehow, to somebody's heart I know I hold the key.
Dean Martin
Somewhere there's an individual meant for me. Even though I may be isolated now, I'll make it work in some way, and into someone's affection I'm certain I possess the answer.
12.
The world is the same you never change it, as sure as the stars shine above. Well, you're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.
Dean Martin
'No one is truly significant until they are cherished by another, so seek out someone to adore.'
13.
Love is a flower that blooms so tender, each kiss a dew drop of sweet surrender. Love is a moment of life enchanting, let's take that moment that tonight is granting.
Dean Martin
14.
In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.
Dean Martin
15.
When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.
Dean Martin
16.
Your lips and mine, two sips of wine, memories are made of this.
Dean Martin
17.
If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.
Dean Martin
18.
I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'
Dean Martin
19.
With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life.
Dean Martin
20.
The thing I notice first about a woman is her walk. A beautiful woman is like a race horse-slim, sleek and with a beautiful carriage.
Dean Martin
21.
I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!
Dean Martin
22.
Your love made it all worth waiting for some like you.
Dean Martin
23.
Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime.
Dean Martin
24.
Everybody makes mistakes; look at Hitler.
Dean Martin
25.
Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking, or that look in your eye, just standing on the corner watching all the girls go by.
Dean Martin
26.
The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.
Dean Martin
27.
Return to me, for my heart wants you only. Hurry home, hurry home, won't you please hurry home to my heart.
Dean Martin
28.
I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.
Dean Martin
29.
Motivation is a lotta crap.
Dean Martin
30.
Haven't got a girl, but I can wish. So I'll take me down to Main Street and that's where I'll select my imaginary dish.
Dean Martin
31.
There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.
Dean Martin
32.
I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.
Dean Martin
33.
We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.
Dean Martin
34.
In order to share intimate feelings, you have to have intimate feelings.
Dean Martin
35.
Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.
Dean Martin
