1.
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.
Carrie Fisher
4.
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry
6.
One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
Judith Viorst
7.
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
Ann Landers
8.
By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.
Oscar Wilde
9.
Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then a thousand more.
Catullus
10.
Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
William Shakespeare
11.
Most people are slow to champion love because they fear the transformation it brings into their lives. And make no mistake about it: love does take over and transform the schemes and operations of our egos in a very mighty way.
Aberjhani
13.
Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.
Stephen Colbert
14.
A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.
H. L. Mencken
15.
Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
Yeardley Smith
16.
No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along!
Joyce Brothers
17.
Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
Lewis Black
18.
It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'
Laura Kightlinger
19.
The bravest thing that men do is love women.
Mort Sahl
20.
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!
Dolly Parton
21.
Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.
Erma Bombeck
22.
Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.
Jimmy Fallon
24.
Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.
Martha Stewart
25.
Sex, unlike justice, should not be seen to be done.
Evelyn Laye
27.
The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'
George Lopez