Funny Valentines Day Quotes

My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.

Our first and last love is self-love.

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.

A man is only as good as what he loves.

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then a thousand more.

Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

Most people are slow to champion love because they fear the transformation it brings into their lives. And make no mistake about it: love does take over and transform the schemes and operations of our egos in a very mighty way.

Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.

Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.

Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along!

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? These are all days you gotta be with someone. And if you didn't get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Year's, boom! There's Valentine's Day. I think there should be one more after Valentine's Day just called, 'Who could love you?'

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!

The bravest thing that men do is love women.

Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.

Love is just a chocolate substitute.

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'

Sex, unlike justice, should not be seen to be done.

I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.