1.
You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
Albert Einstein
You do not truly comprehend something until you can elucidate it to your grandparent.
2.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still has 20/20 vision. Gulps down beverages straight from the container.
3.
A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.
Lois Wyse
4.
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
Sam Levenson
5.
I have to tell you that June Cleaver had a job in 'The New Leave It to Beaver.' She did. Sure, she was a council woman. She went to work. She wasn't a sit-at-home grandma. She went out, got a job.
Barbara Billingsley
6.
All the atoms of our bodies will be blown into space in the disintegration of the solar system, to live on forever as mass or energy. That's what we should be teaching our children, not fairy tales about angels and seeing grandma in Heaven.
Carolyn Porco
7.
Some kids in Italy call me 'Mama Jazz; I thought that was so cute. As long as they don't call me 'Grandma Jazz.'
Ella Fitzgerald
8.
Leveling off at 42,000 feet, I had thirty percent of my fuel, so I turned on rocket chamber three and immediately reached .96 Mach. I noticed that the faster I got, the smoother the ride. Suddenly the Mach needle began to fluctuate. It went up to .965 Mach - then tipped right off the scale ... We were flying supersonic. And it was a smooth as a baby's bottom; Grandma could be sitting up there sipping lemonade.
Chuck Yeager
9.
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.
Gore Vidal
10.
This is a place where grandmothers hold babies on their laps under the stars and whisper in their ears that the lights in the sky are holes in the floor of heaven.
Rick Bragg
11.
Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation.
Lois Wyse
12.
Everyone needs to have access both to grandparents and grandchildren in order to be a full human being.
Margaret Mead
13.
May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.
Donald Glover
15.
We need to go back to the way it was 30 years ago, when everybody had Grandma and Grandpa, and we were willing to pass moral judgments about right and wrong.
Steven Tyler
16.
I'm such a grandma. I don't tweet; I don't have a Facebook page.
Kathryn Hahn
17.
Our life before moving to Washington was filled with simple joys...Saturdays at soccer games, Sundays at grandma's house...and a date night for Barack and me was either dinner or a movie, because as an exhausted mom, I couldn't stay awake for both.
Michelle Obama
18.
My grandma always said that God made libraries so that people didn't have any excuse to be stupid.
Joan Bauer
19.
Now that I've reached the age where I need my children more than they need me, I really understand how grand it is to be a grandmother.
Margaret Whitlam
20.
My grandma used to make syrup for us because we couldn't afford it and I just played around with her recipe. I made strawberry syrup and that didn't really work out but I made strawberry-vanilla and that sold. Then I just went out and took marketing classes, went to seminars, learned about marketing a product and striking deals. It ended up taking orders of $1.5 million.
Farrah Gray
21.
A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat!
Henny Youngman
22.
Grandma's on the front porch with a Bible in her hand, sometimes I hear her singing take me to the promised land.
John Mellencamp
23.
My granddad used to say, If everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your grandma.
Gary Mule Deer
24.
If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first.
Lois Wyse
25.
When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
Ogden Nash
26.
Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.
Doug Larson
27.
As I learned from growing up, you don't mess with your grandmother.
Prince William
28.
To Grandma: Once upon a time, there was a boy who flew.
Chris Colfer
29.
Such was the love of this grandson for his grandmother that two years after the death of his mother, when she herself fell gravely ill, he vowed to her that someday he would try to tell the world her life story. 'But why?' she asked humbly. 'I'm no one, just a girl from the coast' 'But you are everyone, Grandma,' the young Pramoedya told her. 'You are all the people who have ever had to fight to make this life their own.
Pramoedya Ananta Toer
30.
What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.
Gene Perret
32.
My grandma would quote Abraham Lincoln all the time: "Whatever you do in life, be a good one."
Donald Cerrone
33.
Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?
Doug Benson
34.
A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma.
Teresa Bloomingdale
35.
Dating is so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!" She said, "I know
Tom Arnold
36.
If becoming a grandmother was only a matter of choice, I should advise every one of you straight away to become one. There is no fun for old people like it!
Hannah Whitall Smith
37.
Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric.
Pam Brown
38.
My great grandma always told me to drink a lot of milk because it's good for the skin.
Barbara Palvin
39.
Carson is an old family name, though my grandma used to watch Johnny all the time and was crazy about him.
Carson Daly
40.
My grandma used to plant tomato seedlings in tin cans from tomato sauce & puree & crushed tomatoes she got from the Italian restaurant by her house, but she always soaked the labels off first. I don't want them to be anxious about the future, she said. It's not healthy.
Brian Andreas
41.
Does Grandpa love to baby-sit his grandchildren? Are you kidding? By day he is too busy taking hormone shots at the doctor's or chip shots on the golf course. At night he and Grandma are too busy doing the cha-cha.
Hal Boyle
42.
Her grandmother, as she gets older, is not fading but rather becoming more concentrated.
Paulette Alden
43.
My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.
Gene Perret
44.
A grandma is old on the outside and young on the inside.
John Wright
45.
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
Jeff Foxworthy
46.
I like all the families in the U.K. But what I like about the idea of the royal family is... they seem like they're well educated and there's something admirable about them. And the Queen... she reminds me of my grandma.
will.i.am
47.
I come from making money in the streets. The streets all I know. All my family is still in the streets. So, it's going to be hard to pull me right back into that. When I ain't doing no shows four days out of the week, I may be in my hood or at my grandma's house in the hood. But yes, I got a kid. I got to get more serious about the music so he don't get dragged into that life.
Shy Glizzy
48.
Food is everything we are. It's an extension of nationalist feeling, ethnic feeling, your personal history, your province, your region, your tribe, your grandma. It's inseparable from those from the get-go.
Anthony Bourdain
49.
Deep patriots don't just sing the song, 'America the Beautiful' and then go home. We actually stick around to defend America’s beauty -- from the oil spillers, the clear-cutters and the mountaintop removers. Deep patriots don't just visit the Statue of Liberty and send a postcard home to grandma. We defend the principles upon which that great monument was founded -- 'give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.'
Van Jones
50.
The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.
Dave Barry