1.
We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.
Marcel Proust
We do not gain knowledge through inheritance; it is a voyage of discovery that we must embark on alone and cannot be delegated to someone else.
2.
I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.
Plato
'I am the most insightful man alive, for I recognize one thing, and that is my lack of knowledge.'
3.
Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.
Henry A. Kissinger
4.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
6.
When a child makes a mistake or fails to accomplish a certain goal, we must avoid any word or action which indicates that we consider him a failure. 'Too bad that didn't work.' 'I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.' We need to separate the deed from the doer.
Rudolf Dreikurs
7.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
Demetri Martin
8.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
9.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
10.
There's one sad truth in life I've found While journeying east and west - The only folks we really wound Are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest, And deal full many a thoughtless blow To those who love us best.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
11.
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
Demetri Martin
12.
I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'
Demetri Martin
13.
Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.
Demetri Martin
14.
The words are all gone, the time's been too long but it's not too late to say I'm sorry to a friend
Edwin McCain
15.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'
Demetri Martin
16.
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.
Lynn Johnston
17.
The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology.
Red Auerbach
18.
Chocolate says "I'm sorry" so much better than words.
Rachel Vincent
19.
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
20.
I was very sorry when I found out that your intentions were good and not what I supposed they were.
Sitting Bull
21.
Don't ever say you are sorry for "being caught in the moment". Because, at that moment, that is EXACTLY where you wanted to be.
Buffalo Bill
22.
A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
23.
Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it.
Douglas Horton
25.
If people are good because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Albert Einstein
26.
It will never do to plead sin as an excuse for sin, or to attempt to justify sinful acts by pleading that we have an evil heart. This instead of being a valid apology, is the very ground of our condemnation.
Archibald Alexander
27.
Words will not be able to ever express how sorry I am for this, and I have profound regret and sorrow for the multitude of mistakes and harm I have caused.
Jack Abramoff
29.
But sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. [...] True sorrow is as rare as true love.
Stephen King
30.
There are some experiences in life they haven't invented the right words for.
Lisa Kleypas
32.
My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'
Demetri Martin
33.
An apology might help, but you can change your life without one.
Robin Quivers
34.
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.
Samuel Butler
36.
Mistrust makes life difficult. Trust makes it risky.
Mason Cooley
37.
More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made.
Greg LeMond
38.
You can make up a quarrel, but it will always show where it was patched.
E. W. Howe
39.
I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'
Demetri Martin
41.
True remorse is never just a regret over consequences; it is a regret over motive.
Mignon McLaughlin
42.
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
Steve Martin
43.
Sacrifice is at the heart of repentance. Without deeds, your apology is worthless.
Bryan Davis
44.
I have made terrible mistakes that have hurt the people that I cared about the most, and I am terribly sorry. I am deeply ashamed of my terrible judgment and my actions.
Anthony Weiner
46.
I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'
Demetri Martin
47.
The typical response from people when I tell them Im diabetic is, Oh, Im sorry to hear that. You know, Im not. Im a better athlete because of diabetes rather than despite it. Im more aware of my training, my fitness and more aware of nutrition. Im more proactive about my health.
Charlie Kimball
48.
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
50.
Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Robert Fulghum