Jerry Lawler Quotes

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.

Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.

Judging from what looks like the popularity of this classic wrestling show is that the people like what they have grown to know and love here in Memphis

It's not often that you see a smile on the face of the Viper, but it actually looks good on there.

I don't know of any wrestler who hasn't, at one time or another, been with a fan. One time I met a woman at a match in Tennessee, and afterward we went to a little roadside motel. We checked in, went to the room, and enjoyed each other for an hour or so.

What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!

In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope. I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad.

I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.

Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally.

If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?

Her, Me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

But if I've heard this saying once, I've heard it a thousand times- everything happens for a reason. And possibly it does. I just haven't found the reason that this all happened yet.

As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator!

You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes.

Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.

I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.

I don't think it's blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that's gone. The commentary is lacking.

Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.

I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire.

Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.

Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!

Michael Cole, what did you get for Christmas? Except drunk.

As they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation.

Of course, the whole Andy Kaufman angle was classic. I'm real proud of that. I mean that is something people are still talking about 20 years later, making movies about and that sort of thing. I mean not a day goes by that someone doesn't mention Andy Kaufman to me

Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn't make you a great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don't make him a great husband.

One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

The fats dented the flats.

It's almost like while you are working for the WWF everything is fine and good, but if you are no longer employed by them they want you to just drop off the face of the earth and it's like you never existed.

I'm an artist and I can draw very well. I'm amazed that everybody can't draw well because I can do it so effortlessly.

When John Cena came to Raw, he immediately got off on the wrong foot with Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff said that he thought John Cena was a would be Eminem, and Lord knows one Eminem is enough, but since that time, I have come to respect and really like this kid. This John Cena is a good guy. You can't say anything differently than that.

It used to be that Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now Shamrock is the world's most dangerous speedbump.

You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.

Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo.

Jake [Roberts] is feeling a little under the weather. He has bar-thritis. That's when because stiffin' a different joint every night.

Certainly it's a business and you've got to have a salesman, but in my mind, when you've got two guys doing the same thing, you don't need one of them.

Sunny didn't make a fool out of Phineas, God beat her to that.

Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn't live here, Australia would be the place to live. It's the most Americanized country that I've ever seen in the world.

When I'm in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock

Can I press one for English?

The Dudleys are going to get the VIP treatment this Sunday-- Very Intense Pain!

Mark Henry is so strong he eats steak with a spoon.

Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!

You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks could star in TV westerns...if she had two more legs.

When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!

Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.

Are you ready for some puppies?!

You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia... a tourist.

There is an old adage: love thy neighbor, but don't get caught.

If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert.