1.
Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.
Josh Billings
Mirth is the pyrotechnics of the spirit.
2.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings
A canine is the only creature on earth that cherishes you more than you cherish yourself.
3.
Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.
Josh Billings
4.
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
Josh Billings
5.
Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.
Josh Billings
6.
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Josh Billings
7.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Josh Billings
8.
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
Josh Billings
9.
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
Josh Billings
10.
The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
Josh Billings
11.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
Josh Billings
12.
Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.
Josh Billings
13.
There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.
Josh Billings
14.
Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
Josh Billings
15.
It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.
Josh Billings
16.
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
Josh Billings
17.
There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.
Josh Billings
18.
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.
Josh Billings
19.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
Josh Billings
20.
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
Josh Billings
21.
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess.
Josh Billings
22.
A slander is like a hornet; if you cannot kill it dead at the first blow, better not to strike at it.
Josh Billings
23.
There are only two qualities in the world: efficiency and inefficiency; and only two sorts of people: the efficient and the inefficient.
Josh Billings
24.
Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.
Josh Billings
25.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Josh Billings
26.
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
Josh Billings
27.
The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod.
Josh Billings
28.
It ain't what a man don't know that makes him a fool, but what he does know that ain't so.
Josh Billings
29.
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
Josh Billings
30.
There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they actually can't tell the truth without lying.
Josh Billings
31.
Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
Josh Billings
32.
I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, But the wheel that does the squeaking, is the one that gets the grease.
Josh Billings
33.
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
Josh Billings
34.
As a general thing, an individual who is neat in his person is neat in his morals.
Josh Billings
35.
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
Josh Billings
36.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Josh Billings
37.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
Josh Billings
38.
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
Josh Billings
39.
Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.
Josh Billings
40.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
Josh Billings
41.
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
Josh Billings
42.
If you would make yourself agreeable wherever you go, listen to the grievances of others but never relate your own.
Josh Billings
43.
Wise men have but few confidants, and cunning ones none.
Josh Billings
44.
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
Josh Billings
45.
My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.
Josh Billings
46.
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
Josh Billings
47.
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
Josh Billings
48.
It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.
Josh Billings
49.
Wisdom deprives even poverty of half its power.
Josh Billings
50.
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
Josh Billings
