Kin Hubbard Quotes

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.

Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.

Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

A loafer always has the correct time.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

"Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speechmaker," let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? "

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely.

About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.

All the world loves a good loser.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an' it keeps on laughin'.

Many a family tree needs trimming

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.

Who remembers when we used to rest on Sunday instead of Monday?

I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.