LIZ Quotes

We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.

Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.

I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!

Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.

Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.

I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica.

If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.

My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.

I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.

Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.

Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America?

If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.

I grew up around a lot of boys - all my friends on my street were boys, so I was the only girl for a while hanging out with them. I have a little bit of a tomboy aspect; I love to be comfortable. But, I do have a sexy girly side as well - I just love sportswear.

Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.

You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?

I love Gwen Stefani's style, I think she's dope.

Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.

My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.

It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.

I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?

I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.

Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?

I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.

I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life.

Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.

Just need to rave for a moment about the scrubbing cleanser...I have only ever found one (chemical filled) product that REALLY cleans my shower/tub, until now. The Ava Anderson scrubbing cleanser is amazing! Cleans the toughest dirty spots and smells absolutely delightful. LOVE IT!

Thanks, it's my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water.

Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.

I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.

In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.

I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.

God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.

I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine.

If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.

I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.

Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.

I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!

OK, here's a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way when you're done, you have a treat.

I support women. I'm like a human BRA.

You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.

One of my New Year's resolutions is to say 'yes!' Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more!

After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.

All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.

You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.