Sarcasm Quotes

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy... and I keep it in a jar on my desk.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.

The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. Check yourself against this list of obstacles to a pleasing personality: interrupting others; sarcasm; vanity; being a poor listener; insincere flattery; finding fault; challenging others without good cause; giving unsolicited advice; complaining; attitude of superiority; envy of others' success; poor posture and dress.

Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising.

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Satirists gain the applause of others through fear, not through love.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

About time," Christian said. "Lissa and Adrian get the market share on worrying about you, but they're not the only ones. And someone needs to put Adrian in his place, you know. I can't do it all the time." "Thanks. It kills me to say this, but I missed you too. No one's sarcasm compares to yours in Russia.

Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane." "They didn't," Magnus said. "Your wards are down." "Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed." Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down.

The arrow always tipped with ill nature and sarcasm is deadliest to him who sends it.

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.

The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.