Stewart D. Friedman Quotes

At the individual level, you need to examine what you truly value, share this with key stakeholders in various life domains both to get feedback and support, and then to experiment with new ways of doing things so that - over the arc of a life - you can achieve harmony and have more of what it is that you uniquely want out of life.

People struggle most with seeing new ways of doing things and often need help in breaking through their tradition-bound mindsets.

Skilled leaders focus on "we," not "me."

We all want to have a rich and meaningful work life and a fulfilling life beyond work.

"Leading" is about mobilizing people toward valued goals.

Firms that fully embrace the needs and interests of the whole person will win today's competition for the best talent.

Knowing what matters most, what I call "being real," is the alpha and omega for leaders.

My purpose is to help people understand that leadership skills are useful and relevant for pursuing meaningful aspirations in all aspects of life, and that this is a choice, a decision, not a default.

I believe each life has value and that we're on this earth to leave it better than how we found it. I want people to take this to hear and to try as hard as they can to improve their capacity to do so.

People of all ages, but especially young people, require work that as meaning, or social value. Since they're not getting the kind of long-term guarantees of yore, they're willing to job hop to find the right fit.

When employers no longer offer secure full-time employment with benefits, then it's hard to expect employees to be loyal, engaged, and maximally productive.

Curiosity about the world and questioning of the status quo to open minds to alternative visions of the future are essential leadership skills. And they can be learned.

The worst thing you can do, despite the innumerable obstacles we confront, is to not try.

Invest in helping people know what matters to them and who matters to them (and why), and encourage them to continually experiment with how they get things done in ways the serve their interests and yours as an employer.

The principles that apply to engagement for employees are the same as those that apply to supervisors.

The act of envisioning is mainly useful as a means for identifying what matters most to you now.

If you're searching for "work/life balance" you'll always be disappointed because "balance" connotes a zero-sum equation.

If you shift your mindset to asking "How can I initiate change that's good for my family, and my community, and my career, and my private self (mind, body and spirit)? then you are more likely to produce harmony in your life, over the course of your life.

The really good news is that when you give people the tools and the support to pursue what I call "four-way wins" - that is, improved performance in all parts of life - they are actually much likely to achieve these wins and, through the process, develop further their leadership skills.

My research and practice indicates that people need to be doing work they love and to love the work they do. They need to feel that their efforts matter for the people and causes about which they really care. Further, they need to be doing work with people they respect and enjoy. Finally, they need to feel free to choose where, when and how it all gets done. It's not easy to put these conditions in place, but it is certainly possible to do so, as I have seen and shown in my work in organizations and communities using the Total Leadership approach.

The only failure is the failure to learn from conscious and deliberate efforts to make things better, even if those attempts fall short of the mark.

I am very gratified to have lived to see a revolution in the field of work/life: Everyone - men and women, employees and employers - now has this issue top of mind.

Boundaries are shifting between work and the rest of life for men and for women at different life stages. Work is becoming home and home is becoming work. The progressive CEOs who grasp this emergent reality and adjust to embrace it will be at a competitive advantage in the marketplace for talent.

You really can choose to be the leader you want to be, in all parts of your life, if you take seriously the idea that there's a purpose to your life worth pursuing because it matters not just to you but to others. Consciously and deliberating devoting effort to realizing this idea is ennobling, though never without some struggle.

I find that many people have a hard time, at first, in painting a compelling image of an achievable future; to envision their legacy, that is. Often this is because they're afraid to commit for fear of failure.

Instead of the metaphor of scales in balance, I prefer the idea of a jazz quartet: you're trying to make music that feels and sounds good, and sometimes you only hear the trumpet or just the bass and piano. Sometimes all four are playing at the same time, but perhaps at different volume.

Continual improvisation on a theme is a more useful way to think of how to bring the various parts of life together.

Right now we're in the midst of a grand experiment on how best to harness the incredible power of the Internet while we struggle to maintain useful boundaries among the different parts of our lives.

Executives are afraid of losing control if subordinates try to roam too far. Conversely, hierarchy squelches talent by forcing rote standardization through the punishment of failure, a necessary accompaniment to experimentation.

Women make up half our workforce and this has an impact at home on spouses and children. This means the workplace must change because women - who have historically been the primary caregivers at home - are now fully in the workforce and here to stay.

My view is that leadership is not about position - you can lead very well with no one reporting to you in a hierarchy and you can lead quite poorly with many people below you in the traditional chain of command. Leadership is about mobilizing people toward valued goals, and anyone can do this, in any aspect of life.

The thing to keep in mind is that the answer to the question I often get - Are leaders born or made? - is an emphatic yes! All leaders are born, and all are made, through devoted practice of reflecting on experience to learn what's worked and what hasn't, good coaching and accountability pressure to grow, good luck, and, of course, some talent.

Of course that's the best way to continue to learn anything: Try to teach it!

Young men now want to be caregivers as well as earners so they have joined with women in demanding a different compact at work; they want flex and time for family too.

Technology has changed everything.

Business schools must make the issues of leadership, teamwork, and culture a clearly visible priority if we are to maintain legitimacy and credibility as a source of knowledge for successful practice in today's global economy.

Having a 9-to-5 workday in which work is left behind when one leaves the office is no longer the norm as employers expect employees to be available outside of work.

The key to overcoming resistance to change is to frame your actions and continually adjust them as you move forward to so that those who might be affected by any changes see them as useful and beneficial for them. This isn't as hard as it sounds. You just have to be vigilant in paying attention to how you're influencing the lives of people who matter.

No one can have it all, at the same time. I've never seen that.

Family, community, and the realm of the private self - your mind, body, and spirit - are all important sources of the inspiration, support, and ideas we all need to lead the lives we want.

In my teaching and consulting practice, I encourage people to learn to experiment with confidence and to see themselves as scientists in the laboratory of their lives, continually trying new ways to pursue what matters most to them and to the people who depend on them. Smart, small wins are crucial to this approach, as is devoting time and attention to reflecting on what works and what doesn't.

Michelle Obama is a powerful example of someone who has learned how to align her actions with her values, manage boundaries across domains of life, and embrace change courageously.

In my talks in organizations around the world I ask, "What kind of leadership do we need now?" The most common responses are "adaptable," "flexible," and "innovative." This isn't surprising, in light of how fast and overwhelming is the pace of change in our world.

I'm a humanist and an optimist.

Change is surely the order of the day.

The more attention we can devote to helping developing leaders tune in to their core values - drawing on their real experience and their true aspirations in life - the more likely it is they'll make smart choices about how and where to invest their talents.

I've been writing for decades that balance is an inapt metaphor as it necessarily entails tradeoffs.

People at all levels and in all roles in organizations are wrestling with the challenges of modern life, trying to find ways to create harmony among the different parts of their lives while aiming to achieve their goals and live with purpose.

Managing the boundaries between work and the rest of our lives - family, community, and the private self - is now a much more daunting task. The good news is that there are ways to realize the promise of greater focus and presence on the moment for better performance and results, but it does take discipline and practice to get there.

There are many structural changes, both in organizational practice and social policy, that must also change to enable men and women to have the freedom and support to pursue the lives they want to lead. Fortunately, many more people are today engaged in these efforts than when started working on this issue decades ago.