Tom Arnold Quotes

Environmentalists have a very conflicted relationship with their cars.

Dating is so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!" She said, "I know

My wife's nagging is like living near the airport. After a while you don't notice it any more.

People still question my sobriety, my commitment to the program, and that hurts. I take things day by day, and sometimes I take them minute by minute, but I honor my commitment to stay sober.

Any time your head explodes, that's not a good situation.

Women; can't live with em, can't kill em

The difference between one man and another is not mere ability... it is energy.

The nature of show business is people within the business feel that if someone else fails, they move up a notch.

I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quite football.

Kids; 10 seconds of joy, 30 years of misery

Hey, Warren, the Raiders signed you to a seven-year deal. I guess Bill Callahan was right - they are the dumbest team in America.

If one might wish for impossibilities, I might then wish that my children might be well versed in physical science, but in due subordination to the fulness and freshness of their knowledge on moral subjects. ... Rather than have it the principal thing in my son's mind, I would gladly have him think that the sun went round the earth, and that the stars were so many spangles set in the bright blue firmament.

It's pretty lonely and sad to be single. Every night was the same for me, I'd go home and curl up in bed with my favorite book. Well, actually it was a magazine.

If you're spending a lot of time in the writers' room and then you're also acting, you have your foot in both of those doors. I'd always say to the writers, "You can say whatever you want about your boss in front of me. I'm not going to think about it as my girlfriend." You've got to be able to trash your boss, in any job.

The misconception about Hollywood is that it's a crazy drug and alcohol fueled place. It can be but there's also a huge sober community.

When you work with your wife you really have no "me" time, or place to get away and be with the guys, because you're at work all day together, and then you're at home, and you have this other public life.

There are people who believe once somebody gets you a job in show business you are set and the truth is you have to fight for every job. People opened the doors for me for sure and hopefully I've helped open the door for some people but when you're there it's on you and you better be ready for it.

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To the extent that movies get released, they are generally not big box-office generators. Hollywood is clearly focusing on their holiday releases coming up and those will either make or break the year.