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Dorothy Parker Quotes

American poet, Birth: 22-8-1893, Death: 7-6-1967 Dorothy Parker Quotes
1.
Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.
Dorothy Parker

'I converse with myself regularly; I'm a great admirer of eloquence and find my own intellect captivating.'
2.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Dorothy Parker

The initial step I take each morning is scrub my pearly whites and hone my wit.
3.
The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.
Dorothy Parker

The immutable truth of existence - always more arduous than anticipated.
4.
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.
Dorothy Parker

Innovation is an untamed intellect and a trained gaze.
5.
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.
Dorothy Parker

I savor a martini/A maximum of two/After three I'm tottering/Four and I'm slurring my words.
Similar Authors: Ralph Waldo Emerson William Shakespeare C. S. Lewis Rumi Samuel Johnson George Herbert George Eliot Maya Angelou Horace Charles Bukowski John Milton Alexander Pope Ovid Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Sylvia Plath
6.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Dorothy Parker

Time may be a great balm, but it's a terrible cosmetologist.
7.
Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
Dorothy Parker

Men rarely show interest in women who wear spectacles.
8.
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.
Dorothy Parker

Quote Topics by Dorothy Parker: Book People Writing Thinking Men Two Love Funny Art Heart Fun Women Eye Hands Reading Home Running Age God New York Night Would Be Nice Hollywood Drinking Hate Long World Mind Humorous
9.
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
Dorothy Parker

If you wish to discern God's opinion on riches, simply observe the individuals He entrusts with wealth.
10.
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.
Dorothy Parker

Refrain from slinging dirt: you may not hit the mark, but your hands will still be stained.
11.
Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.
Dorothy Parker

Time is merely a cloak, and you either flaunt it with grace throughout life, or else you go frumpish to the afterlife.
12.
Lady, lady, never start Conversation toward your heart; Keep your pretty words serene; Never murmur what you mean. Show yourself, by word and look, Swift and shallow as a brook. Be as cool and quick to go As a drop of April snow; Be as delicate and gay As a cherry flower in May. Lady, lady, never speak Of the tears that burn your cheek- She will never win him, whose Words had shown she feared to lose. Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you- And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did.
Dorothy Parker

13.
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
Dorothy Parker

If you dress provocatively, the revelers will flock to you.
14.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Dorothy Parker

15.
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
Dorothy Parker

16.
I hate writing, I love having written.
Dorothy Parker

17.
If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
Dorothy Parker

18.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker

19.
I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
Dorothy Parker

20.
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Dorothy Parker

21.
Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.
Dorothy Parker

22.
Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.
Dorothy Parker

23.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Dorothy Parker

24.
Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
Dorothy Parker

25.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Dorothy Parker

26.
There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
Dorothy Parker

27.
Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.
Dorothy Parker

28.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dorothy Parker

29.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Dorothy Parker

30.
I was the toast of two continents: Greenland and Australia.
Dorothy Parker

31.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Dorothy Parker

32.
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.
Dorothy Parker

33.
I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
Dorothy Parker

34.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Dorothy Parker

35.
Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
Dorothy Parker

36.
If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
Dorothy Parker

37.
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
Dorothy Parker

38.
If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.
Dorothy Parker

39.
Woman wants monogamy; Man delights in novelty. Love is woman's moon and sun; Man has other forms of fun. Woman lives but in her lord; Count to ten, and man is bored. With this the gist and sum of it, What earthly good can come of it?
Dorothy Parker

40.
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, a medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, and I am Marie of Romania.
Dorothy Parker

41.
I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
Dorothy Parker

42.
How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the night-light. I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.
Dorothy Parker

43.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
Dorothy Parker

44.
Daily dawns another day; I must up, to make my way. Though I dress and drink and eat, Move my fingers and my feet, Learn a little, here and there, Weep and laugh and sweat and swear, Hear a song, or watch a stage, Leave some words upon a page, Claim a foe, or hail a friend- Bed awaits me at the end.
Dorothy Parker

45.
I don't want to be classed as a humorist. It makes me feel guilty. I've never read a good tough quotable female humorist, and I never was one myself. I couldn't do it. A "smartcracker" they called me, and that makes me sick and unhappy. There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
Dorothy Parker

46.
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!
Dorothy Parker

47.
I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.
Dorothy Parker

48.
Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.
Dorothy Parker

49.
Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.
Dorothy Parker

50.
A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
Dorothy Parker