1.
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
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Menagerie: A superb spot to observe the behavior of people.
2.
Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.
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3.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.
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4.
The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
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5.
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
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6.
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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7.
This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
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8.
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
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9.
Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.
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10.
Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
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11.
The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
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12.
You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.
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13.
The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.
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14.
The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams
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15.
There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
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16.
A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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17.
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
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18.
A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.
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19.
Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
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20.
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
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21.
If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
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22.
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
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23.
In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.
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24.
Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
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25.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
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26.
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
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27.
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
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28.
The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
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29.
Hindsight is good, foresight is better; but second sight is best of all.
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30.
An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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31.
If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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32.
If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one.
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33.
The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
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34.
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
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35.
A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.
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36.
Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.
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37.
Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.
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38.
Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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39.
Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
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40.
The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
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41.
Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
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42.
There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
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43.
Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.
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44.
The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.
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45.
Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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46.
There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
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47.
If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.
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48.
Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
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49.
Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g; others, because they understand each other too well.
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50.
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
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