1.
A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.
Graham Norton
2.
The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.
Graham Norton
3.
One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life.
Graham Norton
4.
I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.'
Graham Norton
5.
I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.
Graham Norton
6.
I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.
Graham Norton
7.
I am really bad at actually interviewing people.
Graham Norton
8.
In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints
Graham Norton
9.
I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.
Graham Norton
10.
A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.
Graham Norton
11.
All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with.
Graham Norton
12.
I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.
Graham Norton
13.
The BBC is a victim of its own independence.
Graham Norton
14.
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.
Graham Norton
15.
My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me.
Graham Norton
16.
I don't think anyone wants to be gay.
Graham Norton
17.
Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch.
Graham Norton
18.
The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you.
Graham Norton
19.
I am very quick to judge.
Graham Norton
20.
I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.
Graham Norton
21.
I am camp. Lots of gay men can't cope with their campness. They are in denial about it.
Graham Norton
22.
I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness.
Graham Norton
23.
Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'.
Graham Norton
24.
I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes.
Graham Norton
25.
Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV.
Graham Norton
26.
Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!'
Graham Norton
27.
My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule.
Graham Norton
28.
Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No!
Graham Norton
29.
I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case.
Graham Norton
30.
I loved Lucille Ball growing up.
Graham Norton
31.
I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do.
Graham Norton
32.
Britain's such a twisted, weird little place.
Graham Norton
33.
You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend.
Graham Norton
34.
It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating.
Graham Norton
35.
If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt.
Graham Norton
36.
The only time I took Ecstacy was years and years ago. It was absolutely amazing.
Graham Norton
37.
It's lovely to get one successful show - the chances of finding a second one are not so hot.
Graham Norton
38.
I think the word is adult!
Graham Norton
39.
Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?'
Graham Norton
40.
I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer.
Graham Norton
41.
Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks.
Graham Norton
42.
I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long.
Graham Norton
43.
All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth.
Graham Norton
44.
Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean.
Graham Norton
45.
Tolerance is forced on people in London.
Graham Norton
46.
You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people.
Graham Norton
47.
Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do.
Graham Norton
48.
My life could have been so grim really, really grim.
Graham Norton
49.
All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly.
Graham Norton
50.
An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot.
Graham Norton
