1.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
Helen Rowland
A prudent female adds a spoonful of honey to all her words to a man, and takes his comments with a pinch of skepticism.
2.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Helen Rowland
Life commences at 40 - yet so do bunions, osteoarthritis, deteriorating vision, and the inclination to recount a tale to the same individual, multiple times.
3.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
Helen Rowland
4.
Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.
Helen Rowland
5.
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.
Helen Rowland
6.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
Helen Rowland
7.
A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.
Helen Rowland
8.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
Helen Rowland
9.
Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.
Helen Rowland
10.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
Helen Rowland
11.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Helen Rowland
12.
No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
Helen Rowland
13.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
Helen Rowland
14.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
Helen Rowland
15.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Helen Rowland
16.
Variety is the spice of love.
Helen Rowland
17.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Helen Rowland
18.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
Helen Rowland
19.
Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her - when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?
Helen Rowland
20.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
Helen Rowland
21.
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
Helen Rowland
22.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
Helen Rowland
23.
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
Helen Rowland
24.
A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last.
Helen Rowland
25.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
Helen Rowland
26.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
Helen Rowland
27.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
Helen Rowland
28.
After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.
Helen Rowland
29.
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of 'the heart.
Helen Rowland
30.
True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity.
Helen Rowland
31.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
Helen Rowland
32.
A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.
Helen Rowland
33.
Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.
Helen Rowland
34.
What a man calls his 'conscience' is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.
Helen Rowland
35.
Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.
Helen Rowland
36.
For repeating themselves from the first kiss to the last sigh, the average man's love affairs have History blushing with envy.
Helen Rowland
37.
Going through life without love is like going through a good dinner without an appetite -- everything seems so flat and tasteless.
Helen Rowland
38.
Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.
Helen Rowland
39.
Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.
Helen Rowland
40.
In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.
Helen Rowland
41.
When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.
Helen Rowland
42.
Marriage: a souvenir of love.
Helen Rowland
43.
To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.
Helen Rowland
44.
A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
Helen Rowland
45.
Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.
Helen Rowland
46.
Love is a matter of give and take -- marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.
Helen Rowland
47.
Jealousy is the tie that binds, and binds, and binds.
Helen Rowland
48.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
Helen Rowland
49.
A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.
Helen Rowland
50.
A good woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't.
Helen Rowland
