Jeff Kinney Quotes

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

I labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.

I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.

You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.

Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says people need to shave twice a day.

My advice to authors would be to try to do something original rather than to try to anticipate what the market is looking for.

Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.

But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.

It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.

I think Diary of a Wimpy kidis sooooo good!!!!!!!

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

I think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh.

fish and visitors stink in 3 days.

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.

I`m basically one of the best people I know.

When you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal.

Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!

I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley.

I got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.

Mom is always saying I'm a smart kid, but that I just don't apply myself.

I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.

hope your birthday is hot hot hot

I think goodreads is the best place to look for books

Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.

I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.

The best person I know is Myself.

When I first learned about Abrams and saw the types of books they were making, I knew I wanted my books to be published by them. Abrams books are special-when you hold one in your hands, you have the feeling that this book needed to be made. I once heard an artist say that books are fetish objects-I think Abrams gets that, because their books demand to be treasured. So who better to give comics art its proper due? I feel privileged to have found a home with Abrams.

I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!

He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.

hay he's a great writer and i like him a lot

that if you don't read nobody does

I only work on my books at nights and at weekends. It is really just like a hobby.

hey guys i would like you to try this book you will love it!

Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.

hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!

So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.