Jim Bouton Quotes

You spend a good deal of your life gripping a baseball, and it turns out it was the other way around all the time.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

It never hurts to apologize, especially if you don't mean it.

Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of the ballplayers had been out with and said, “It's hard to say exactly what she looked like. She was kind of Joe Torre with tits.” This joke can only be explained with a picture of Joe Torre. But I'm not sure any exist. He dissolves camera lenses.

For a hundred years, the owners screwed the players. For 25 years, the players have screwed the owners-they've got 75 years to go.

If you had a pill that would guarantee a pitcher 20 wins, but might take five years off his life, he'd take it.

Statistics are about as interesting as first base coaches.

We were like farm animals compared to today's players who are treated like thoroughbreds.

Forget goals. Value the process.

Lots of people look up to Billy Martin. That's because he just knocked them down.

After I won 21 games, I said, "This isn't that hard actually. I can do this every year for maybe 10, 15 years." To tell you the truth I thought I was going to be in the Hall of Fame. I really thought that. You feel so strong, so powerful walking down the street. You know you can throw a ball harder than any man in the world, or certainly the top five. Sandy Koufax knocked all of us out of the box on that one, so we would think, "I'm the second or third hardest thrower in the game."

You're only as smart as your ERA.

How come nobody wants to argue with me? Is it because I'm always so right?

The older they get, the better they were when they were younger.

A lot of long relievers are ashamed to tell their parents what they do. The only nice thing about it is that you get to wear a uniform like everbody else.

Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife, your agent, your investment counselor, your stockbroker, and your publisher.

Opening day -- or Opening Day. Depending on how you feel about it.