John Ratzenberger Quotes

A farce, or slapstick humor, does well universally.

Find people who share your values, and you'll conquer the world together.

But from what I can see all around me today, that America is fading fast, if it's not already gone.

The last thing on my mind was to be an actor, but I had a crush on a cute girl in the drama department, so the best thing for me to do was audition, help out, do carpentry, whatever it took to get me on that project.

This isn't the Democratic party of our fathers and grandfathers. This is the party of Woodstock hippies. I was at Woodstock--I built the stage. And when everything fell apart, and people were fighting for peanut butter sandwiches, it was the National Guard who came in and saved the same people who were protesting them. So when Hillary Clinton a few years ago wanted to build a Woodstock memorial, I said it should be a statue of a National Guardsman feeding a crying hippie.

When I go to the garage to pick up my clubs, I clean the spider webs off.

Of course, I had a crush on Princess Leia. I really wanted to ask her out, back to my place, or something. But at the time, I was living in a squat on Fitzroy Road in Primrose Hill. It was pretty derelict. So what was I going do? Ask her to come back with me and watch me catch mice?

After all, at end of the day, when you're breathing your last, it's not your producer, director, or cast mates by your bedside; it's your children. Keep that in mind.

Diabetes affects my family. One of my kids is affected by it.

Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius. Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you? Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius. Corfu? It's just a poor man's Pensacola.

Sure, the comedians who swear or use scatological humor can get laughs, but they're uncomfortable laughs.

I have been raising money for the past 14 years for diabetes research.

In L.A., though, people get off busses calling themselves actors, so many are really not professionals.

So many actors have sheer guts, will, and determination; they just need some preparation.

I always played a soldier, sailor, or policemen.

Hollywood has lost touch with their audience a long time ago.

All over the US, there is a need to teach young people to, really, get them out in the backyard, building treehouses, fixing bicycles, because you become a better, more well-rounded, Renaissance personality if you actually know how to do things with your hands. If you can fix the screen door or replace your old garbage disposal, even change the tire on a car, a lot of people don't even know how to do that. We're literally running out of people who know how to do those things, the essential things like plumbing, carpentry, stone masonry, we're literally running out of them.

There are times over different projects when I've asked the writers why people are swearing for no good reason. I tell them that it would be funnier if there weren't these swear words.

I come from Bridgeport, Connecticut and have friends I grew up with there.

I'm concerned about the insidious influence of the media's bad messages that undermine the lessons parents try to instill in their sons and daughters.

Before 1972, no actors got residuals. They just got paid. No residuals.

That was actually Lloyd Phillips who was a Kiwi film producer in L.A. And it was about Gorgeous George, not Haystacks Calhoun. I was in a couple of Lloyd's films and got approached to write the story. People don't realize it, but Gorgeous George had this flamboyant, camp stage persona that had a tremendous influence on other celebrities, like Elton John, Liberace, Elvis Presley, and Mohammed Ali, who all wanted to establish their own outlandish stage personas. The project died because Gorgeous George's wife refused to give up the rights.

It appalls me that the people who decide what Americans will be watching on the tube have never been to the United States. Not the real United States.

On my visits back home, if they saw that I was getting a big head, they'd let me know right away.

From what I can see, too many kids don't learn pride in their country anymore.

I wrote another wrestling film script. And we finished the shooting [with Lloyd Phillips]. But Henry Winkler came out with his own wrestling film, which did poorly. So the studios passed on ours, and it never got released.

I speak to women's groups, Chambers of Commerce, manufacturing organizations. Just did the Mike Huckabee Show. I do about two speaking engagements a month. I still enjoy travelling.

One of the high points in my career came from a time I had with Tim Conway on a film when I had him fall down with laughter. I had this scene with him where I was this mechanic down fixing his car. I can't remember what my line was as written, but they were okay with me doing a made-up line. So Tim asks me what's wrong with his car, and I look up and say, "Well, looks like you got a squirrel caught up in there."

[At Conventions] they give me all the photos to sign. Star Wars, Superman. And Hammy the Pig is right up there.

It was when Boston invited us to do a parade one November, and I was the only [Star Wars] cast member skeptical of the willingness of people to come out to see us five actors drive by in antique cars in the Boston rain. Well, it was the first time I really understood the show's popularity.

I don't know that I ever did see Star Wars as any different. I was certainly proud that I did it.

Really, improv is all about creating for what's around you, in the moment, so it fits in a way that you can't see the seams. It's like a great jazz combo. I still do it.

I mean, Cheers [from the Star Wars] was just a job while we were doing it. All of us were really only hustling to pay the rent, weren't we.

My uniform [in Star Wars] was cool. Not much else I can think of at the moment. You know, you don't know the enormity of these kinds of films until well after you're done.

I never went to drama school, so that was more like I was getting away with it.

I'm still really into set design and construction when I do films. I notice that stuff.

I remember being fascinated by the graduated sizes and perspective on the sets [of Star Wars]. And how they put shorter people and kids in the uniforms and placed them in the distance to give the idea that these sets had more depth than they really did.

I was a carpenter in Northern Vermont and got this tax refund check that just about covered a one-way airfare to London. So this I saw as a sign from God. So I went over to see Ray [Hussett] for a couple of weeks and ended up staying 10 years. I got work as a stage carpenter at the Oval House in Kennington, South London.

I don't want to go back to sitcoms - I'm a middle-aged, white guy - the high school principal who's a buffoon. It's hard enough raising kids now a days, and I don't want to be a part of a show that I'll be embarrassed watching shows like that with my kids and my mother. A lot of shows feel they need to get that for humor. You've have to have had a life experience; otherwise, it's toilet humor. If you've had a job before or experienced something, you get it. Some of these people haven't and they look for the cheap laugh.

What I've learned from the Pixar guys is 'If you work for the love of what you're doing, it's always going to come out right.' Cause if you're working for a paycheck then it's not going to work in the long run; it's not going to feed your heart and soul.

It was the last generation of writers [ the Cheers] that had grown up reading books instead of watching TV. So you weren't getting anything that was derivative of I Love Lucy or Happy Days. You were getting real characters [like those] they read in P.G. Wodehouse or Dickens or somewhere along the line, because they had all grown up with a love of literature.

I look at the calendar. If it's a nice place, I go, like I did in London when it came to choosing to do a film. I always choose the best locations. New Orleans. That's fun. I'm available. Let's go.

[ Oval House] director, Peter Oliver, gave you the right to fail. He had a philosophy that came from Winston Churchill that you go from failure to failure with enthusiasm. So Peter gave us a go and that's how Ray [Hassett] and I ended up starting Sal's Meat Market at the Oval House.

I don't know how many days I worked there [on Star Wars]. The thing I do remember was I somehow got a parking space next to Kermit the Frog. It was Jim Henson's space, with this Kermit the Frog sign. I took a photo of it and sent it to my mom with a caption that read, "Look, Mom. I made it. I got a parking space next to Kermit the Frog." I was always fascinated by the film-set infrastructures.

Maybe, I got a sense when [Star Wars] came out, and there were always these lines around the block. We didn't understand the popularity of Cheers until maybe five years into the series.

You've got to write for your audience.

You'll be tested every single day.

So many people aren't ready for Hollywood - professionally or practically.

I'd never been to acting school, so I never thought I'd get this far.

I've turned down projects based on raunchiness before.