Las Vegas Quotes

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.

No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.

To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.

In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.

We'd just released a zebra in Las Vegas.

It's like a crapshoot in Las Vegas, except in Las Vegas the odds are with the house. As for the market, the odds are with you, because on average over the long run, the market has paid off.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

History is hard to know, because of all the hired bullshit, but even without being sure of "history" it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody understands at the time--and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened.

I met Elvis first in Las Vegas. I think I was appearing with Tom Jones and he came backstage to say hello to Tom or we went to his dressing room to say hello.

Bailing out people who made ill-advised mortgages makes no more sense that bailing out people who lost their life savings in Las Vegas casinos.

Man, I really like Vegas.

Las Vegas is a society of armed masturbators/gambling is the kicker here/sex is extra/weird trip for high rollers ... house-whores for winners, hand jobs for the bad luck crowd.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas.

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

Las Vegas is still socially sanctioned deviance. Its brand is just more comfortable to more Americans than it used to be.

I use very few muscles at the best of times.

I do a lot of Vegas work and work with the comedians.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas - except the drone.

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.

I started a big part of my career in Vegas.

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

A little bit of this town goes a very long way.

If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

Hatred is not what Las Vegas is about.

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

Las Vegas was such a teeny, tiny place.

I like Vegas for its spontaneity.

I work a lot, and not just in Las Vegas.

Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.

Secretly, I had always wanted to go to Vegas, and have my own really bad act!

I had a great time doing Vegas. It's just that it takes a lot of time.

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.

Las Vegas was and is a hard town that will make you pay for your inability to restrain your desires.... If you have a weakness, Las Vegas will punish you.

There's just no quiet in Vegas.

Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.

If what happens in Las Vegas is supposed to stay in Las Vegas, how did Harry Reid get out?

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

Las Vegas is a 24-hour city. It never stops.

Why can't you just get married in Las Vegas like normal Americans?

In Las Vegas, nothing ends very well.

If you ever go to Las Vegas, and you will, just go for a few days. I was there recently for seven days, seven days in Vegas. After I blew all my money on gambling and prostitution, I had six days to kill.

[On Las Vegas:] ... The City That Never Sleeps. The City That Sins and Smiles and Lives On the Edge. The city where vices become virtues, become what everyone is here to do.

This desert town was man's own miracle of pure purposelessness.