Matt Groening Quotes

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

If God didn't want us to eat cows, why are they made out of meat?

A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something.

A lot of people believe that if everybody just did what they were told - obeyed - everything would be fine. But that's not what life is all about. That's not real. It's never going to happen.

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?

Homer no function beer well without.

My life changed when I was able to not only get seated in nice restaurants, I was given free appetizers. That was like, "Oh, my God, I've arrived".

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.

No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

I pledge impertinence to the flag waving, of the unindicted co-conspirators of America, and to the republicans for which I can't stand, one abomination, underhanded fraud, indefensible, with Liberty and Justice.. Forget it.

Because good writing in a TV cartoon is so rare, I think the animation on The Simpsons is often overlooked.

We have 'Doctor Who' references on 'Futurama,' but we have a lot of science fiction references that I don't get; but in the staff we have experts on 'Star Trek,' 'Star Wars,' 'Doctor Who' and 'Dungeons and Dragons.'

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Actually, I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

I think 'Family Guy' and 'American Dad' have definitely staked out their own style and territory, and now the accusations are coming that 'The Simpsons' is taking jokes from 'Family Guy.' And I can tell you, that ain't the case.

I went to Bali, and I was in a small village, and somebody who was with me showed a woman a little figurine of Bart and asked: 'Do you know who this is?' And she said: 'Mickey Mouse.'

Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else.

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

The next time you are contemplating a decision in which you are debating whether or not to go for the gusto, ask yourself this important question: "How long am I going to be dead?" With that perspective, you can now make a free, fearless choice to do just about any goddamned sneaky thing your devious little mind can think up. Go ahead. Have your fun. You're welcome. Go on. See you in hell.

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

One of the great things about the Internet is that you can read what everybody has to say about everything. It is fascinating to me, the critiques about humor by people who have no sense of humor.

Basically, everything I try to do is to present an alternative to what somebody else is doing.