1.
The function of music is to release us from the tyranny of conscious thought.
Thomas Beecham
2.
They are quite hopeless - drooling, driveling, doleful, depressing, dropsical drips.
Thomas Beecham
3.
Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle.
Thomas Beecham
4.
The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me.
Thomas Beecham
5.
"Have you heard any Stockhausen?" Beecham was asked. "No, but I believe I have stepped in some."
Thomas Beecham
6.
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.
Thomas Beecham
7.
Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory.
Thomas Beecham
8.
The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm.
Thomas Beecham
9.
There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between.
Thomas Beecham
10.
A soprano in Massenet's Don Quixote complained that she had missed her entry in the aria, "because Mr. Challiapin always dies too soon." "Madam, you must be profoundly in error," said Sir Thomas, "No operatic star has yet died half soon enough for me."
Thomas Beecham
11.
It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
Thomas Beecham
12.
Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on.
Thomas Beecham
13.
If I were a dictator I should make it compulsory for every member of the population between the ages of four and eighty to listen to Mozart for at least a quarter of an hour daily for the coming five years.
Thomas Beecham
14.
I find brass bands have a melancholy sound. All right out of doors, of course - fifty miles away. Like bagpipes, they turn what had been a dream into a public nuisance.
Thomas Beecham
15.
Beethoven's last quartets were written by a deaf man and should only be listened to by a deaf man.
Thomas Beecham
16.
What can you do with it? It's like a lot of yaks jumping about.
Thomas Beecham
17.
At a rehearsal I let the orchestra play as they like. At the concert I make them play as I like.
Thomas Beecham
18.
If an opera cannot be played by an organ grinder, it's not going to achieve immortality.
Thomas Beecham
19.
The sound of the harpsichord resembles that of a bird-cage played with toasting-forks.
Thomas Beecham
20.
A musicologist is a man who can read music but cannot hear it.
Thomas Beecham
21.
The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
Thomas Beecham
22.
There are no woman composers, never have been and possibly never will be.
Thomas Beecham
23.
We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again.
Thomas Beecham
24.
Composers and musicians have always starved and, as this is a sentimental country, we think the tradition should be continued.
Thomas Beecham
25.
Elgar's first symphony is the musical equivalent of St Pancras Railway Station.
Thomas Beecham
26.
The bagpipes sound exactly the same when you have finished as when you started
Thomas Beecham
27.
All the arts in America are a gigantic racket run by unscrupulous men for unhealthy women.
Thomas Beecham
28.
Music first and last should sound well, should allure and enchant the ear. Never mind the inner significance.
Thomas Beecham
29.
Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.
Thomas Beecham
30.
Too much counterpoint; what is worse, Protestant counterpoint.
Thomas Beecham
31.
The British like any kind of music so long as it is loud.
Thomas Beecham
32.
In the first movement alone, I took note of six pregnancies and at least four miscarriages.
Thomas Beecham
33.
I have just been all round the world and have formed a very poor opinion of it.
Thomas Beecham
34.
Movie music is noise. It's even more painful than my sciatica.
Thomas Beecham
35.
I prefer Offenbach to Bach often.
Thomas Beecham
36.
Without question the most unpopular medium of musical sound in the world.
Thomas Beecham
37.
When asked whether he minded if someone smoked in a non-smoking compartment. Certainly not if you don't object if I'm sick.
Thomas Beecham
38.
If she is attractive, I can't perform with her; if she is not, then I won't.
Thomas Beecham
39.
Magical music never leaves the memory.
Thomas Beecham
40.
No operatic star has yet died soon enough for me.
Thomas Beecham
41.
The grand tune is the only thing in music that the great public really understands.
Thomas Beecham
42.
As you'll never hear the thing again, my boy, why not throw in a couple of brass bands?
Thomas Beecham
43.
No woman is worth the loss of a night's sleep.
Thomas Beecham