Todd Barry Quotes

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also

I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

People in New York love having roof parties.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward.

People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people.

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

If I'm at a party and someone puts on a Blues Brothers tape, I tend to go nuts.

I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started

I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage

Anyone who bombs is my friend.

It was actually 3 years between albums. That seems like a long time to me

I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.

I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again, which is strange.

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.

There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job

I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone.

I loved Australia. I was very successful there

I like Cilantro, but you don't have to.

Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days.

I've had shows where you think, "Is this going well? I can't tell," and then you say goodnight and you get this ovation. They're sorta like a theater audience. I've learned that much; that they're not always going to be doing backflips - but I'll never figure it out. Because sometimes you walk up there, and they're so excited, and then other times, it's just... But sometimes an audience is bad, and you can tell them they're bad, and that sort of breaks the ice a bit.

I don't ban bloggers from my shows. I have a separate line: VIP seating for bloggers.

I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that

Sometimes they're all collectively thinking, "Wow, we're kinda a shitty audience," and then if you point it out, it's kinda like, "Hey, I know what's going on. We know what's going on up here. Or what's not going on. And I'm letting you know that I know. And now we can fix this."

Comedy clubs are a bit more expensive. That's the problem with some of these places. But the flipside of that is, if you do too many shows for free or $5, then people don't understand why you can't fly to Milwaukee and do a show for a $3 cover. That won't even pay for my flight.

I will not be misquoted!

And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy.

I haven't done a lot in London. I think comedy over there is how it was over here years ago. There's tons of it, and they're better paid.

I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up.

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all

I want a room that I can definitely pack out. I don't want to sweat that part, "Am I gonna have enough people?" So I usually pick like a hundred, a relatively small room. Also, I'm looser in a small room. I don't want to record an album in front of a thousand people, not that I could draw a thousand, but I just want a room that I can really work back to front. That's just a very comfortable place for me to be loose.

The problem with a lot of comedy clubs is not that they are a comedy club; it's just the cheesy way they're presenting themselves. That's why a lot of people have a problem with them. If you're a relatively unknown comedian, you can play at a comedy club, you might play to hundreds of people every night. But if you try to make a concert event out of it, and try to play a rock club or something, where you might play to 10 people or no people. And the flipside of that is, that's also a great thing, to play to people who are your fans. Some people are too hard on the comedy clubs.

There are certain things that are probably too mean. I don't particularly like fat jokes. Those kind of bother me. But I guess what I was trying to say is, if I said I would never laugh at this, you could probably dig around and find a situation where I did laugh. I try not to be a hypocrite with that one. I find when there's a controversy about someone saying something offensive, I usually take the angle of, "Well, I don't know if that was offensive; it just wasn't funny." I generally don't gasp, "Oh my God!" I think people have been getting raked over the coals lately.

I think people have this "It can't hurt to ask" mentality, which is true on some level. I get comics like, "Hey, will you look at these videos of me on MySpace?" I was like, "Well, who's gonna benefit from that? What if I don't like you?" No, I'm gonna write to a stranger and say, "Hi. You like me, and I don't like you. And now I feel bad when I didn't need to feel bad, because you put me on the spot." Or like, "Can I open for you?" Well, I've never seen you work, so no. I certainly made awkward mistakes when I was starting out, and they're just trying to have a career.

I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work.

I have a podiatrist appointment at 2.

I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written

There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake

I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film

Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself

I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that.

It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special.

I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things.