W. S. Gilbert Quotes

Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest: Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers: Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest, And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.

He did nothing in particular, and did it very well.

To sit in solemn silence on a dull, dark dock in a pestilential prison with a life-long lock awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big, black block.

As is gloriously sung in the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta "H.M.S. Pinafore," in the words of W. S. Gilbert: "Things are seldom as they seem, Skim milk masquerades as cream."

I'm really very sorry for you all, but it's an unjust world, and virtue is triumphant only in theatrical performances.

Deerstalking would be a very fine sport if only the deer had guns.

Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative.

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.

Life's a pudding full of plums.

It's love that makes the world go round.

When in that House MPs divide/If they've a brain and cerebellum, too/They've got to leave that brain outside/And vote just as their leaders tell 'em to.

What though I cannot meet my bills? What though I suffer toothache's ills? What though I swallow countless pills?

I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule.

Oh, don't the days seem lank and long When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, And isn't your life extremely flat With nothing whatever to grumble at!

Oh, wouldn't the world seem dull and flat with nothing whatever to grumble at?

Saturday afternoon, although occurring at regular and well-foreseen intervals, always takes this railway by surprise.

I am the Captain of the Pinafore ; And a right good captain too! . . . . And I'm never, never sick at sea! What, never? No, never! What never? Hardly ever! He's hardly ever sick at sea! Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For the hardy Captain of the Pinafore!

Things are seldom what they seem.

Roll on, thou ball, roll on! Through pathless realms of Space, Roll on!

Isn't your life extremely flat,With nothing to grumble at?

every Jack He must study the knack If he wants to make sure of his Jill!

The Law is the true embodiment of everything that's excellent; it has no kind of fault or flaw and I, my Lords, embody the Law.

The privilege and pleasure That we treasure beyond measure Is to run on little errands for the Ministers of State.

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am: I'm a genuine philanthropist--all other kinds are sham. Each little fault of temper and each social defect In my erring fellow creatures, I endeavor to correct.

Life is a joke that's just begun.

Wherever valor true is found, true modesty will there abound.

The idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this, and every country but his own.

A man is but an ass Who fights in a cuirass

There's fish in the sea, no doubt of it, As good as ever came out of it.

When Wellington thrashed Bonaparte, As every child can tell, The House of Peers, throughout the war, Did nothing in particular, And did it very well

I am the very model of a modern major general

Darwinian man, though well-behaved, at best is only a monkey shaved.

So I fell in love with a rich attorney's Elderly ugly daughter.

If you're anxious to shine in the high aesthetic line as a man of culture rare, you must get up all the germs of the transcendental terms, and plant them everywhere.

I've an irritating chuckle, I've a celebrated sneer, I've an entertaining snigger, I've a fascinating leer; To everybody's prejudice I know a thing or two; I can tell a woman's age in half a minute--and I do

It isn't so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs.

A policeman's lot is not a happy one

Man is nature's sole mistake.

In all the woes that curse our race there is a lady in the case.

After many unhappy experiments in the direction of an ideal Republic, it was found that what may be described as a Despotism tempered by Dynamite provides, on the whole, the most satisfactory description of ruler - an autocrat who dares not abuse his autocratic power.

It's true I've got no shirts to wear; It's true my butcher's bill is due; It's true my prospects all look blue - But don't let that unsettle you.

I love my fellow creatures - I do all the good I can - yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!

When every blessed thing you have is made of silver, or of gold, you long for simple pewter.

Faint heart never won fair lady! Nothing venture, nothing win Blood is thick, but water's thin In for a penny, in for a pound It's Love that makes the world go 'round!

I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.

I always voted at my party's call, and I never thought of thinking for myself at all.

Then a sentimental passion of a vegetable fashion must excite your languid spleen, An attachment a la Plato for a bashful young potato, or a not-too-French French bean!

When a felon s not engaged in his employment, Or maturing his felonious little plans, His capacity for innocent enjoyment Is just as great as any honest mans.