Charlie Sheen Quotes

I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars...

We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it, it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.

Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.

I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.

People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

It's quite fitting that Slash is getting a star on the very street Axl Rose will one day be sleeping on.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math.

I'm still alive, which is pretty cool.

There was this one time in Vegas when I took four Victoria's Secret models and did one gram off each of their bodies within, like, 45 minutes. I declared myself King of Vegas and decided to remodel my hotel room with my bare hands to resemble King Louis XIV's bedroom at Versailles. Knocked down two entire walls, and later had four knuckle surgeries. Still wasn't as high as Rob Ford.

I knew if I got loaded I was going away for a while. People would say, Oh, you're just sober because you're on probation.

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.

What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act. You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, Look, you've got to get into rehab.

The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread. This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.

I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning.

You can't criticize Bob Dylan's singing. You have to respect Billy Joel as a brilliant poet. You can't tell me there's a better rock band ever than Led Zeppelin. And if you speak during the Eagles' "Last Resort," we're done. I'm just asking for seven minutes. This stuff really matters, you know.

I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

People ask all the time, "What are you thinking?" It's my least favorite question in the world. The last bastion of solace is my mind. It's an invasion.

I’m not 'aw shucks'. Because I'm gnarly.

I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point.

I think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help, to make my knowledge of what I went through accessible.

There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly. I knew what it was like to go those dark places. I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse.

I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don't think people are ready for the message that I'm delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.

I don't believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is like a fishing term.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.

I gotta take the baton from Chuck Norris.

You can put people's feet to the fire a bit just by reminding them that we're constantly creating our own history.

You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.

What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money.

I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.

I was bangin’ 7 gram rocks and finishing them because that’s how I roll

I have one speed, I have one gear: Go!

Sure, I did a lot of things in excess. But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued, what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't?

Can't is the cancer of happening.

I don't sleep. I wait. I sleep in cars and on couches. I sleep when I can, but when I can't sleep, I just don't, so I figure there's a higher calling keeping me on point that night.

I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.

I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.

You can't process me with a normal brain.

I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.

Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.

Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting.

You make a choice to win and you win...

I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.

I've fallen for you like a blind roofer.