1.
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
Doug Larson
Erudition is the recompense you receive for a lifetime of hearing when you would have wanted to converse.
2.
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
Doug Larson
To misstep is natural; to confess it, divine.
3.
Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.
Doug Larson
4.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
Doug Larson
5.
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
Doug Larson
6.
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
Doug Larson
7.
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
Doug Larson
8.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
Doug Larson
9.
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
Doug Larson
10.
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
Doug Larson
11.
Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.
Doug Larson
12.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.
Doug Larson
13.
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
Doug Larson
14.
The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.
Doug Larson
15.
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
Doug Larson
16.
A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
Doug Larson
17.
Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.
Doug Larson
18.
Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
Doug Larson
19.
Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.
Doug Larson
20.
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
Doug Larson
21.
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
Doug Larson
22.
It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.
Doug Larson
23.
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.
Doug Larson
24.
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
Doug Larson
25.
For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
Doug Larson
26.
Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.
Doug Larson
27.
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
Doug Larson
28.
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.
Doug Larson
29.
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Doug Larson
30.
Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route.
Doug Larson
31.
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson
32.
The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
Doug Larson
33.
Nostalgia: A device that removes the ruts and potholes from memory lane.
Doug Larson
34.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.
Doug Larson
35.
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
Doug Larson
36.
There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
Doug Larson
37.
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
Doug Larson
38.
Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.
Doug Larson
39.
There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.
Doug Larson
40.
A clean basement, garage and attic are signs of an empty life.
Doug Larson
41.
Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.
Doug Larson
42.
Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
Doug Larson
43.
People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.
Doug Larson
44.
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.
Doug Larson
45.
The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there's only one other choice.
Doug Larson
46.
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
Doug Larson
47.
In debating the respective merits of dogs and cats, not having to walk a cat when it's 20 below zero deserves consideration.
Doug Larson
48.
Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.
Doug Larson
49.
The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.
Doug Larson
50.
Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.
Doug Larson