Drew Carey Quotes

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.'

I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures.

I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day.

Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.

My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.

What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.

Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed.

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.

One day I was running around playing with my son Connor when afterwards I was sweating, tired and out of breath. I was embarrassed that something as enjoyable as playing with my son was so tough for me to do. Immediately I started an extensive diet and exercise plan. It completely changed my life and helped cure my Type-2 diabetes.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.

The best thing about Las Vegas is that no one pretends to be responsible for your behavior like they do in the rest of the country. There's no meddling self-righteous liberals or right-wing Christian demagogues telling you that you can't do something fun with your own time and money. If you can afford it, it's yours.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.

The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.

The less [government] the better.

When I play poker, I don't like losing the pot.

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

For 'Power of 10,' you can look at the methodology at CBS.com, it's a company called Rasmussen Reports. We poll thousands and thousands of people for each question, a real cross section of the United States.

I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.

Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.

Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Canada.

Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.

At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.