Funny Work Quotes

The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

The elevator to success is out of order, but the stairs are always open.

A foolproof plan for not getting a job - show up for your interview wearing flip flops.

Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

It might be said that it is the ideal of the employer to have production without employees and the ideal of the employee is to have income without work.

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

I've been promoted to middle management. I never thought I'd sink so low.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error.

The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay.

There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.

You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.

No one's dream job involves a kiosk.

Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking about their work.