Noel Coward Quotes

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

There's always something fishy about the French.

Mona Lisa looks as if she has just been sick, or is about to be.

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

Work is much more fun than fun.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

For gin, in cruel sober truth, supplies the fuel for flaming youth.

Consider the public. Never fear it nor despise it. Coax it, charm it, interest it, stimulate it, shock it now and then if you must, make it laugh, make it cry, but above all never, never, never bore the living hell out of it.

Work hard, do the best you can, don't ever lose faith in yourself and take no notice of what other people say about you.

It is my considered opinion that the human race (soi disant) is cruel, idiotic, sentimental, predatory, ungrateful, ugly, conceited and egocentric to the last ditch and that the occasional discovery of an isolated exception is as deliciously surprising as finding a sudden brazil nut in what you know to be five pounds of vanilla creams. These glorious moments, although not making life actually worth living, perhaps, at least make it pleasanter.

I will accept anything in the theatre . . . provided it amuses or moves me. But if it does neither, I want to go home.

You will know you're old when you cease to be amazed.

My importance to the world is relatively small. On the other hand, my importance to myself is tremendous. I am all I have to work with, to play with, to suffer and to enjoy. It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but of my own. I do not intend to let myself down more than I can possibly help, and I find that the fewer illusions I have about myself or the world around me, the better company I am for myself.

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.

How was your flight? Well, aeronautically it was a great success. Socially, it left quite a bit to be desired.

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age - which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.

If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.

Television is for appearing on, not looking at.

Christmas is at our throats again.

I've sometimes thought of marrying - and then I've thought again.

But why, oh why, do the wrong people travel, when the right people stay at home?

Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn't everyone?

Grab it while you can — grab every scrap of happiness while you can

Thousands of people have talent. I might as well congratulate you for having eyes in your head. The one and only thing that counts is: Do you have staying power?

Squash - that's not exercise, it's flagellation.

I do not intend to let myself down more than I can possibly help, and I find that the fewer illusions I have about myself or the world around me, the better company I am for myself.

Familiarity breeds contempt, but without a little familiarity it's impossible to breed anything.

The higher the building the lower the morals.

Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.

Trust your instincts. If you have no instincts, trust your impulses.

Passion in a dromedary doesn't go so deep; a camel when it's mating never sobs itself to sleep.

The air is like a draught of wine. The undertaker cleans his sign, The Hull express goes off the line, When it's raspberry time in Runcorn.

She had much in common with Hitler, only no mustache.

Wit is like caviar - it should be served in small portions and not spread about like marmalade.

He's completely unspoiled by failure.

Having to read footnotes resembles having to go downstairs to answer the door while in the midst of making love.

Of course, the age-old tradition that a star must appear even if he or she is practically dying is an excellent one, but it can be carried too far. I one played a performance of The Knight of the Burning Pestle with a temperature of 103 and gave sixteen members of the company mumps, thereby closing the play and throwing everybody out of work. There may be a moral lurking somewhere in this, but I cannot for the life of me discover what it is.

How foolish to think that one can ever slam the door in the face of age. Much wiser to be polite and gracious and ask him to lunch in advance.

What I adore is supreme professionalism. I’m bored by writers who can write only when it’s raining.

Sunburn is very becoming - but only when it is even - one must be careful not to look like a mixed grill.

People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.

Any part of the piggy Is quite all right with me Ham from Westphalia, ham from Parma Ham as lean as the Dalai Lama Ham from Virginia, ham from York, Trotters Sausages, hot roast pork. Crackling crisp for my teeth to grind on Bacon with or without the rind on Though humanitarian I'm not a vegetarian. I'm neither crank nor prude nor prig And though it may sound infra dig Any part of the darling pig Is perfectly fine with me.

I never cared who scored the goal, or which side won the silver cup. I never learned to bat or bowl; but I heard the curtain going up.

Certain women should be struck regularly, like gongs.

We have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one, have we?

Star quality: I don't know what it is, but I've got it.

It is not the eyes of others that I am wary of, but my own.

Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid-day sun.