Steve Martin Quotes

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

When I die, now don't think that I'm a nut, don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.

I studied with the Maharishi for many years, and really didn't learn that much. But one thing that he taught me, I'll never forget: 'ALWAYS...' no, wait-- 'NEVER...' no, wait, it was 'ALWAYS carry a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up much room, and if it gets full, you can toss it out the window.'

I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it's almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail, which now sends data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light.

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well.

Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.

It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts.

Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it's almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.

I was raised with "Laurel and Hardy" and "I Love Lucy" and Jerry Lewis, and I just loved it. And I had a friend in high school and we would just laugh all day and put on skits. You know, it's the Andy Kaufman thing or the Marty Short thing where you're performing in your bedroom for yourself.

Being on Twitter is like having a fern.

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner.

I cannot smell mothballs because it's so difficult to get their little legs apart.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

You can't really conduct your life by one or two phrases.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk!

Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

...a young man, Jamaican, perhaps, his head circled in a scarf with sunbleached dreadlocks on piled on top, looking like a plate of soft-shell crabs.

I loved to make people laugh in high school, and then I found I loved being on stage in front of people. I'm sure that's some kind of ego trip or a way to overcome shyness. I was very kind of shy and reserved, so there's a way to be on stage and be performing and balance your life out.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.