1.
When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars - that's heaven here on earth.
Bernie Mac
2.
Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.
Bernie Mac
3.
Whatever success I've had, I always like to top it.
Bernie Mac
4.
I learned hard lessons in life; I had to because I had so much happen: My mother died my sophomore year in high school. The next year, same day, my brother dropped dead. Two years after that, I got married because my girlfriend got pregnant. The year after my wedding, my father - who I had only recently met - died.
Bernie Mac
5.
You can't change what happened. Just like you can't change the future by worrying about it. You just have to keep moving.
Bernie Mac
6.
When it comes to raising children, I believe in give and take. I give orders and they take 'em.
Bernie Mac
7.
I'm not afraid to fail. Sometimes when you lose, you win. Sometimes when you win, you lose.
Bernie Mac
8.
I can't build myself by beating somebody down.
Bernie Mac
9.
I have Glocks, .45s, Berettas, Remingtons. I like the marksmanship and the discipline that it takes to be a gun owner. I like the machinery. Being able to take it out and clean it is even more fascinating than having the gun.
Bernie Mac
10.
Suffering is a good teacher. It keeps you in its grip until you've learned your lesson.
Bernie Mac
11.
If you mess something up, remember who got you there. Don't be pointing fingers, even if finger-pointing is called for. Only one you got to blame is your own self.
Bernie Mac
12.
You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon? You're broke.
Bernie Mac
13.
Sometimes when you lose you win, son. Failure is just life's way of preparing you for success.
Bernie Mac
14.
I don't care about how I look; I'm dedicated to the laughs. You know, I used to be a clown, so - my name was Smoothie the Clown. All the training I had, all my training is geared toward making people laugh, and I didn't care about being cool.
Bernie Mac
15.
Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.
Bernie Mac
16.
Fear is not one of my attributes.
Bernie Mac
17.
I was born October 5, 1957, on the South Side of Chicago, in the Woodlawn area, a neighborhood that hasn't changed much in forty-five years. Our house was on 66th and Blackstone, but the city tore it down when the rats took over.
Bernie Mac
18.
I want to speak directly to the audience, to say, 'I'm like you - I'm frustrated, I'm not an expert, I don't have a manual on parenting, I make mistakes, I'm selfish too.'
Bernie Mac
19.
I was in love with a lot of people, because I was a student of the game of comedy - Carol Burnett, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, Don Rickles, Red Foxx, Moms Mabley - who gets no credit, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, George Kirby. I loved them all, and I used to just take a page out of all of them.
Bernie Mac
20.
I love who I am. I love what I've become.
Bernie Mac
21.
Hugs aren't like pieces of pie. Plenty of hugs to go around.
Bernie Mac
22.
My comedy comes from pain. I can't stand to see someone hurting.
Bernie Mac
23.
People like rumors. They're going to say things like, 'You was at the club with Lil' Kim, and you and Kanye West got into a fist fight.' You can't get upset. You've got to keep hope alive.
Bernie Mac
24.
I'm so black, I leave fingerprints on coal.
Bernie Mac
25.
America...Do not touch my TV, my DVD, my stereo, my dual-deck VCR. Do not touch my old school, my new school, my slow jams, my party jams, my happy rap, and you better not touch...My James Brown.
Bernie Mac
26.
I became the storyteller of South Side Chicago. I used an old Kiwi liquid shoe polish as a microphone. I'd go around the house interviewing everybody, telling stupid jokes, doing voices. I mimicked Sidney Poitier, Sammy Davis Jr., people on 'Laugh-In,' Flip Wilson.
Bernie Mac
27.
Black audiences are hard. They always think they're better than you. So you got to come with a little extra to satisfy them.
Bernie Mac
28.
I love my daughter, but there's a certain feeling, a certain emotion when you got a granddaughter, you know?
Bernie Mac
29.
The Bernie Mac Show' is my life. It's the truth, and I'm not ashamed of a minute, an hour, or a second of my life.
Bernie Mac
30.
When I go onstage, I want to relieve your mind, your pressures.
Bernie Mac
31.
When you're offstage, that's the footprint. That's the man God's gonna judge.
Bernie Mac
32.
Jerry Weintraub, the producer, might be a pain in the ass, but he really knows how to treat his actors.
Bernie Mac
33.
Why do people love Richard Pryor so much? 'Cause he had problems.
Bernie Mac
34.
I want to play a villain - I can't wait to play a villain.
Bernie Mac
35.
I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown.
Bernie Mac
36.
Making people laugh is what I've been doing since I was like four or five years old. I still have a lust, I still have a passion. I don't care about how I look, I'm dedicated to the laughs.
Bernie Mac
37.
It was rough being dark. I got heat from my own people more than anyone else. I remember going to my mom and saying, 'Why am I so black?' And she said, 'Because I'm black. You just gotta always work harder than the average bear.'
Bernie Mac
38.
It took me a long time to get to where I'm at, in my career and as a man. I was going through my trials and tribulations in life, and it gave me the strength to tackle things that have come my way.
Bernie Mac
39.
I'm an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job.
Bernie Mac
40.
I hate to let people down. I was like that in sports and I was like that in comedy. I was like that at work. When I worked General Motors and stuff like that, when I say something, I mean it.
Bernie Mac
41.
I hate to compare anything, especially while I'm promoting. I feel that's another disrespect, but 'Ocean's 13' is the best movie I've ever done in my life. No question.
Bernie Mac
42.
As I got older, I got into all kinds of things in the streets - but for some reason, I never got caught up with the gangs growing up. Everybody dug me, man. I never had problems.
Bernie Mac
43.
It's a pleasure to work with someone who is just as strong as you are.
Bernie Mac
44.
Shut up before I drop yo ass off at Koreatown. Now hold on, America, don't start writing no letters. I'm just kidding. But am I lying?
Bernie Mac
45.
I came up in the community center. I used to be physical director of the South Central Community Center in Chicago on 83rd. It's still there. It used to be around there when I was a kid.
Bernie Mac
46.
That's the whole key to anything: Don't be afraid to fail. And is not afraid to fail.
Bernie Mac
47.
Okay, first rule of this carpool. No breaking wind in my car. The only gas that Bernie Mac want to be smelling is unleaded.
Bernie Mac
48.
You have to meet all of the challenges, big and small. Because how you start is how you finish.
Bernie Mac
49.
I want people to say at the end of my day, you know, like I used to say about Sidney Poitier and James Cagney and Joan Crawford and Red Skelton and those guys and Bill Cosby. They did quality and substance. You always remember them.
Bernie Mac
50.
I've introduced myself with comedy, and once you've introduced yourself as something, that's where people keep you. That's where people like to hold you.
Bernie Mac
