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Fart Quotes

1.
A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.
Martin Luther

'A content fart never emanates from a disgruntled posterior.'
Authors on Fart Quotes: Demetri Martin Britney Spears Andy Samberg Jonathan Tropper Katy Perry Anthony Bourdain Jenny Eclair Mao Zedong Craig Benzine Mark Forsyth Robin Williams Becca Fitzpatrick Martin Firrell Lena Headey Walter Matthau Jessica Simpson Harlan Ellison Bob Saget James Patterson Ralph Klein Benjamin Franklin Martin Luther Graham Chapman Tori Amos Jethro Tull Harold Ramis Brian May Mark Hoppus Nassim Nicholas Taleb Mena Suvari Greg Gutfeld Sherman Alexie John Entwistle
2.
Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts.
Peter Kreeft

3.
Fart for freedom, fart for liberty—and fart proudly.
Benjamin Franklin

4.
Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.
Mark Hoppus

5.
As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.
Britney Spears

6.
The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.
Niall Horan

7.
If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.
Robin Williams

8.
I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
Walter Matthau

9.
I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.
John Entwistle

10.
Every man knows the smell of his own fart.
Confucius

11.
I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.
Brian May

12.
My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
Bob Saget

13.
If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.
Prince Philip

14.
That has less significance than a dog's fart.
Mao Zedong

15.
I fart in your general direction.
Graham Chapman

16.
Since Jesus was human then he most assuredly farted and burped. And if God did create us in God's image then God must fart and burp as well.
Sherman Alexie

17.
You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.
Gary Busey

18.
You stand out like a fart in a church.
James Patterson

19.
She's a warm fart at Christmas.
Jethro Tull

20.
We're here on Earth to fart around
Kurt Vonnegut

21.
People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart.
Margaret Atwood

22.
You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass!
John Marston

23.
I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.
Harold Ramis

24.
At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.
Craig Benzine

25.
I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.
James Joyce

26.
I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.
Demetri Martin

27.
I know that at one time, the Arctic was the tropics. And I guess I wonder what caused that? Was it dinosaur farts? I don’t know.
Ralph Klein

28.
I have a playlist of farts on my phone.
Lena Headey

29.
I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else.
Britney Spears

30.
The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!
Jessica Simpson

31.
Right now, the old guys, the old farts, if you will, are still running the show, and the women haven't gotten their place yet at all.
Chris Matthews

32.
I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.
Karl Pilkington

33.
If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.
Andy Samberg

34.
There's nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that's a fact.
Robert Plant

35.
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
Jonathan Tropper

36.
Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!
Tori Amos

37.
I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb

38.
ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.
Greg Gutfeld

39.
The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.
Andy Samberg

40.
Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.
Katy Perry

41.
A fart in the face is love.
James Kidd

42.
And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.
Anthony Bourdain

43.
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
Jenny Eclair

44.
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.
Demetri Martin

45.
So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.
Mark Forsyth

46.
Art is like a fart for the soul. Better out than in.
Martin Firrell

47.
There is Harlan Ellison the human being, who takes a crap a couple of times a day, and who farts, and who eats chicken croquettes, if I can find them. And then there is the writer, this writer-person, who is a much finer person than I. Much more orderly, much more meaningful. Worthier, than I [am].
Harlan Ellison

48.
Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.
Mena Suvari

49.
Did you hear something, Nora?” Vee asked. “I thought I heard something.” “You definitely heard something,” I agreed. “Could that be … a dog fart I heard?” Vee asked me.
Becca Fitzpatrick

50.
Have you been sniffing fairy farts?
Kim Harrison