Fart Quotes

A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.

Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts.

Fart for freedom, fart for liberty—and fart proudly.

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.

Every man knows the smell of his own fart.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

That has less significance than a dog's fart.

I fart in your general direction.

You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.

Since Jesus was human then he most assuredly farted and burped. And if God did create us in God's image then God must fart and burp as well.

You stand out like a fart in a church.

She's a warm fart at Christmas.

We're here on Earth to fart around

People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart.

You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass!

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.

I know that at one time, the Arctic was the tropics. And I guess I wonder what caused that? Was it dinosaur farts? I don’t know.

There's nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that's a fact.

I have a playlist of farts on my phone.

I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else.

The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!

Right now, the old guys, the old farts, if you will, are still running the show, and the women haven't gotten their place yet at all.

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.

Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!

I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.

A fart in the face is love.

Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.

Art is like a fart for the soul. Better out than in.

There is Harlan Ellison the human being, who takes a crap a couple of times a day, and who farts, and who eats chicken croquettes, if I can find them. And then there is the writer, this writer-person, who is a much finer person than I. Much more orderly, much more meaningful. Worthier, than I [am].

Did you hear something, Nora?” Vee asked. “I thought I heard something.” “You definitely heard something,” I agreed. “Could that be … a dog fart I heard?” Vee asked me.

Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.