1.
A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.
Martin Luther
'A content fart never emanates from a disgruntled posterior.'
2.
Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts.
Peter Kreeft
4.
Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.
Mark Hoppus
6.
The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.
Niall Horan
7.
If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.
Robin Williams
8.
I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.
John Entwistle
9.
I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
Walter Matthau
10.
Every man knows the smell of his own fart.
Confucius
11.
My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
Bob Saget
12.
I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.
Brian May
13.
If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.
Prince Philip
14.
That has less significance than a dog's fart.
Mao Zedong
16.
Since Jesus was human then he most assuredly farted and burped. And if God did create us in God's image then God must fart and burp as well.
Sherman Alexie
17.
You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.
Gary Busey
21.
People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart.
Margaret Atwood
22.
You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass!
John Marston
23.
I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.
Harold Ramis
24.
At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.
Craig Benzine
25.
I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.
James Joyce
26.
I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.
Demetri Martin
27.
I know that at one time, the Arctic was the tropics. And I guess I wonder what caused that? Was it dinosaur farts? I don’t know.
Ralph Klein
28.
I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.
Karl Pilkington
29.
If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.
Andy Samberg
30.
There's nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that's a fact.
Robert Plant
31.
I have a playlist of farts on my phone.
Lena Headey
34.
Right now, the old guys, the old farts, if you will, are still running the show, and the women haven't gotten their place yet at all.
Chris Matthews
35.
I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb
36.
ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.
Greg Gutfeld
37.
The older you get, the funnier fart jokes are.
Andy Samberg
38.
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
Jonathan Tropper
39.
Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!
Tori Amos
41.
Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.
Katy Perry
42.
Did you hear something, Nora?” Vee asked. “I thought I heard something.” “You definitely heard something,” I agreed. “Could that be … a dog fart I heard?” Vee asked me.
Becca Fitzpatrick
43.
Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.
Mena Suvari
45.
A person who discreetly farts in an elevator is not a divine being, and a man needs to know this.
Robert Bly
46.
Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?
Janet Evanovich
48.
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
Jenny Eclair
49.
So familiar are eggs to us, however, that in the eighteenth century they were referred to as cackling farts, on the basis that chickens cackled all the time and eggs came out of the back of them.
Mark Forsyth
50.
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.
Demetri Martin