1.
Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Finley Peter Dunne
2.
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
Finley Peter Dunne
3.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
Finley Peter Dunne
4.
The past always looks better than it was;
it's only pleasant because it isn't here.
Finley Peter Dunne
5.
No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.
Finley Peter Dunne
6.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
Finley Peter Dunne
7.
That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.
Finley Peter Dunne
8.
What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
Finley Peter Dunne
9.
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
Finley Peter Dunne
10.
I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
Finley Peter Dunne
11.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
Finley Peter Dunne
12.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
Finley Peter Dunne
13.
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
Finley Peter Dunne
14.
Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
Finley Peter Dunne
15.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
Finley Peter Dunne
16.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
Finley Peter Dunne
17.
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
Finley Peter Dunne
18.
There are no friends at cards or world politics
Finley Peter Dunne
19.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Finley Peter Dunne
20.
It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
Finley Peter Dunne
21.
Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
Finley Peter Dunne
22.
I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
Finley Peter Dunne
23.
High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
Finley Peter Dunne
24.
When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
Finley Peter Dunne
25.
There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
Finley Peter Dunne
26.
Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.
Finley Peter Dunne
27.
You can lade a man up to th' university, but ye can't make him think.
Finley Peter Dunne
28.
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
Finley Peter Dunne
29.
Continued focus on (employee) turnover is of critical importance, because of the direct relation of turnover to improvements in labor costs and guest satisfaction.
Finley Peter Dunne
30.
A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.
Finley Peter Dunne
31.
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable
Finley Peter Dunne
32.
Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
Finley Peter Dunne
33.
A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
Finley Peter Dunne
34.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it
Finley Peter Dunne
35.
When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
Finley Peter Dunne
36.
Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing.
Finley Peter Dunne
37.
I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.
Finley Peter Dunne
38.
Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.
Finley Peter Dunne
39.
Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.
Finley Peter Dunne
40.
Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.
Finley Peter Dunne
41.
The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.
Finley Peter Dunne
42.
Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.
Finley Peter Dunne
43.
A man's idee in a card game is war
Finley Peter Dunne
44.
A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.
Finley Peter Dunne
45.
The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.
Finley Peter Dunne
46.
A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.
Finley Peter Dunne
47.
What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.
Finley Peter Dunne
48.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
Finley Peter Dunne
49.
Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
Finley Peter Dunne
50.
Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.
Finley Peter Dunne
