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Funny Inspirational Quotes

1.
Everyone has a doctor in him or her; we just have to help it in its work. The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well. Our food should be our medicine. Our medicine should be our food. But to eat when you are sick, is to feed your sickness.
Hippocrates

Authors on Funny Inspirational Quotes: Hippocrates Dr. Seuss Mark Twain Albert Einstein Henry Ford William Shakespeare Amy Poehler Rita Rudner George Bernard Shaw Ellen DeGeneres Donald Knuth Adelle Davis Erma Bombeck Steve McConnell Walter Lippmann Phyllis Diller H. L. Mencken Thomas A. Edison Alan Coren Robert Frost Jonathan Raban Dick Van Dyke Terry Pratchett Grenville Kleiser Paullina Simons Arthur Conan Doyle Halliwell Hobbes Lord Acton Clive James Ricky Gervais Jean Kerr Benjamin Franklin Usher
2.
If you are not your own doctor, you are a fool.
Hippocrates

If you don't take charge of your own health, you are being reckless.
3.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Do not disturb your adversary when they are committing an error.
4.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

Be honest and you won't need to recall anything.
5.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
George Bernard Shaw

The paramount obstacle in communication is the misconception that it has been accomplished.
6.
To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.
Baron de Montesquieu

Accomplish true greatness by standing alongside others, not looking down on them.
7.
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.
Adelle Davis

Indulge in breakfast as a sovereign, lunch like nobility, and dine like a beggar.
8.
‎Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.
Voltaire

9.
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller

10.
Start with good people, lay out the rules, communicate with your employees, motivate them and reward them. If you do all those things effectively, you can't miss.
Lee Iacocca

11.
People have to follow their hearts, and if their hearts lead them to Wal-Mart, so be it.
Maynard James Keenan

12.
Pressure is something you feel when you do not know what you are doing.
Chuck Noll

13.
All things come to those who wait.
Violet Fane

14.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
Yogi Berra

15.
Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.
Theodore Isaac Rubin

16.
Until you have learned to be tolerant with those who do not always agree with you; until you have cultivated the habit of saying some kind word of those whom you do not admire; until you have formed the habit of looking for the good instead of the bad there is in others, you will be neither successful nor happy.
Napoleon Hill

17.
I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.
Arthur Conan Doyle

18.
Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.
Albert Einstein

19.
Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.
Grenville Kleiser

20.
Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost.
Ellen DeGeneres

21.
Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever.
Charles Lamb

22.
You're at your best when you don't know what you're doing.
Paul Stanley

23.
The competitor to be feared is one who never bothers about you at all, but goes on making his own business better all the time.
Henry Ford

24.
One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.
Luciano Pavarotti

25.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do.
Benjamin Franklin

26.
Natural forces within us are the true healers of disease.
Hippocrates

27.
If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
J. Paul Getty

28.
Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare.
Harriet Martineau

29.
When you don't know what you're doing, fake it.
Jill Shalvis

30.
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Rita Mae Brown

31.
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.
James Bryant Conant

32.
It's bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children's health than the pediatrician.
Meryl Streep

33.
Interviewing is tough, especially if you don't know what you're looking for.
Charlyne Yi

34.
To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

35.
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
Gilda Radner

36.
If we're not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn't settle for junk food.
Sally Edwards

37.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Franklin P. Adams

38.
I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child.
Anne Lamott

39.
When all think alike, then no one is thinking
Walter Lippmann

40.
Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.
Donald Knuth

41.
I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
Alan Coren

42.
Men hunt I think maybe because they have something wrong with their own equipment and they need something else to shoot.
Pamela Anderson

43.
Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There's plenty of movement, but you never know if it's going to be forward, backwards, or sideways.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

44.
Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.
Betty White

45.
More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.
John Kenneth Galbraith

46.
Copy and paste is a design error.
David Parnas

47.
Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.
Debra Ginsberg

48.
Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.
Dick Van Dyke

49.
When you're riding, only the race in which you're riding is important.
Bill Shoemaker

50.
Linux is only free if your time has no value.
Jamie Zawinski