1.
I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.
Jenny Eclair
2.
I wouldn't say I was grumpy. It's more pathological - I have seismic tantrums. I get red in the face and cry at least three times a week, and I have to lie down and have a nap afterwards.
Jenny Eclair
3.
People often ask why comedy is harder for women, and the reason is because a tampon will sometimes fall out when you're on stage. Blokes don't have that worry.
Jenny Eclair
4.
After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.
Jenny Eclair
5.
I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.
Jenny Eclair
6.
Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.
Jenny Eclair
7.
Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.
Jenny Eclair
8.
Well, I'm not good with sliminess. I hate the thought of creatures that have slime on them or creatures that leave a slimy trail. At home, the sight of a slug can bring up my breakfast.
Jenny Eclair
9.
I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.
Jenny Eclair
10.
I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.
Jenny Eclair
11.
Well, I really don't like heights. I don't get on the top deck of a double-decker because that's a bit high for me. I always feel that I'm going to hurl myself off, so heights are a problem.
Jenny Eclair
12.
I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects.
Jenny Eclair
13.
I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.
Jenny Eclair
14.
I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.
Jenny Eclair
15.
My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!
Jenny Eclair
16.
There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.
Jenny Eclair
17.
I was trained as an actress. But I wasn't a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.
Jenny Eclair
18.
I don't think I'm successful.
Jenny Eclair
19.
I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.
Jenny Eclair
20.
What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organize everything for me. I don't want to do things on the Internet.
Jenny Eclair
21.
I've just got crap hair. Although I inherited a lot of stuff from my dad, including giant knees, I didn't get his good, thick hair. I got my mother's thin, wispy, non-event hair instead.
Jenny Eclair
22.
I can't tan naturally.
Jenny Eclair
23.
I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.
Jenny Eclair
24.
I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.
Jenny Eclair
25.
I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.
Jenny Eclair
26.
My daughter has always had a strong sense of her own identity. From the day she was born her father and I were in love with and in awe of her and still are.
Jenny Eclair
27.
The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.
Jenny Eclair
28.
As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.
Jenny Eclair
29.
If I do go to the beach there have to be certain rules: it can't be a pebbly beach, there has to be some shade and there has to be a beach bar. I don't want to go off the beaten track.
Jenny Eclair
30.
The only way to go on holiday is with your expectations at ground level. Convince yourself before you go that the weather's going to be dreadful and there will be nylon sheets. You'll then be pleasantly surprised.
Jenny Eclair
31.
I've never been prudish.
Jenny Eclair
32.
I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.
Jenny Eclair
33.
I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.
Jenny Eclair
34.
I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.
Jenny Eclair
35.
I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face
Jenny Eclair
36.
As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.
Jenny Eclair
37.
Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.
Jenny Eclair
38.
I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.
Jenny Eclair
39.
I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.
Jenny Eclair
40.
I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.
Jenny Eclair
41.
I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.
Jenny Eclair
42.
I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
Jenny Eclair
43.
Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.
Jenny Eclair
44.
I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.
Jenny Eclair
45.
I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.
Jenny Eclair
46.
I am best viewed from a distance.
Jenny Eclair
47.
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.
Jenny Eclair
48.
For me, being a woman suits what I want to talk about and what my audience wants to hear. Maybe I'm a dying breed.
Jenny Eclair
