Kevin Nealon Quotes

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

There's so many vegetarian foods now that are available at the market . The same with drive-throughs. Now, a lot of them serve veggie burgers just like the restaurants are doing. So, it's really very easy.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.

I think people really appreciate clever commercials, as do I. I think they're very entertaining. You just have to wade through all the garbage. That's one of the reasons people watch the Super Bowl. A lot of them watch it to see the commercials and not the actual game.

Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.

When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while.

Roxanne came along in '86, when I was doing a lot of stand-up. I auditioned for the movie, and of course I was a huge Steve Martin fan, so I really hoped I would get this part. I don't think there was any part in particular that I auditioned for. I just went in and talked with them. There were so many parts in there, and so many comedians ended up getting in that movie, playing different firemen and townspeople.

Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses.

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.

The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining.

When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member.

What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing.

I remember the first date I ever went out on. It was in high school. Her name was Marguerite. She was kind of a heavyset girl... I took her out on one date. We went out for dinner and a movie and a dinner.

Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.

I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things.

I'd been doing some light-beer commercials for Budweiser and Coors, and I was doing stand-up comedy. I wanted to get into the acting world, and my agent sent me on audition and they liked it.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

The hardest thing about moving to California from Connecticut was just missing my family. If I went back, it would be just because I was homesick.

I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time.

When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.'

I never really got into marketing. I went to school for it, but never pursued it once I got out. Instead, I went to Europe for about two months, just traveling around in youth hostels and Eurail trains with my friends.

I went to school for marketing and advertising, so I have a special interest in good and funny commercials and why they work and why they're funny - which is one of the reasons I, like many people, like watching the Super Bowl, besides the game.

I don't smoke pot or cigarettes, so inhaling smoke as a non-smoker - it doesn't matter what it is, it's going to make you lightheaded.

I enjoyed living in New York City, I liked the premise of the show [Saturday Night Live], I liked working with a different host every week and different musicians. I always thought, "This is great. I never expected to get this in the first place, so I'm just happy being here."

I played a security guard, and I think it was in the State Department. This was my first acting role, really, and I remember rehearsing it on the couch with my girlfriend at the time. I had a real problem with saying the word "incendiary." Most of my rehearsal was spent on pronouncing the word "incendiary."

The good thing about 'Weeds' now is, I get to play some dramatic parts in that as well.

'The Outer Limits' was one of those shows I grew up watching - that and The 'Twilight Zone.'

I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past.

Any time you do an Adam Sandler film, it's kind of like a boys' club, because you're hanging out and there are guitars around, and basketballs and footballs and electric bikes and scooters and different people dropping by.

It is unconscionable for children in our prosperous country, or anywhere for that matter, to go without food. I implore everyone to contact their local and state representatives to encourage action to end hunger.

I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn’t see that as a job description anywhere.

I was never really an impressionist. If there was somebody within my range, maybe I could work on it and do a little exaggeration of them - which I think is really the way to do an impression.

"Bruce" was an Eddie Murphy film, so there was a whole different vibe, working on that film, as opposed to working on a [Adam] Sandler film, which I'd done a few of. First of all, there were tons of kids running around. I'm surprised I ever had a kid after doing that film.

I think Little Nicky was a divergence from the films Adam Sandler was used to doing, and he was taking a risk. I admire him for doing that.

I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper

I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys.

A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material.

A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages.

As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit.

They say that moving is one of the most stressful things in life. Death in the family is the second most stressful, and moving your dead spouse is the third.

Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.