1.
Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move.
Moms Mabley
2.
Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain't never killed nobody.
Moms Mabley
3.
Ain't nothin' an ol' man can do but bring me a message from a young one.
Moms Mabley
4.
Black women, white women- all of them. I'm colorblind. I don't know the difference. I only know you're a human being and you're my children.
Moms Mabley
5.
Anytime you see me with my arms around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.
Moms Mabley
6.
My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.
Moms Mabley
7.
It's no disgrace to be old. But damn if it isn't inconvenient.
Moms Mabley
8.
The teenagers aren't all bad. I love 'em if nobody else does. There ain't nothing wrong with young people. Jus' quit lyin' to 'em.
Moms Mabley
9.
A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's man only as long as he can
Moms Mabley
10.
I don't want nothing old but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That's what I'm gonna do with it.
Moms Mabley
11.
Use those brains that God put in your head.
Moms Mabley
12.
[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it.
Moms Mabley
13.
If you don't want your children to know the truth about life don't send 'em to the theater to see Moms 'cause I'm gonna tell them THE TRUTH, hear?
Moms Mabley
14.
You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.
Moms Mabley
15.
Honey, that Totie Fields is one well-fed white woman. When that gal sits around the house, she sits around the house!
Moms Mabley
16.
[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.
Moms Mabley
