1.
James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?
Natasha Leggero
2.
Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.
Natasha Leggero
3.
Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.
Natasha Leggero
4.
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
Natasha Leggero
5.
I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.
Natasha Leggero
6.
Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'
Natasha Leggero
7.
For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.
Natasha Leggero
8.
Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.
Natasha Leggero
9.
Often when you are starting out in comedy, you will find that people will laugh at the things you didn't think were funny. It's important to pay attention also to what people are laughing at when you are just talking in regular conversation. Often that is when you are truly being yourself.
Natasha Leggero
10.
College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.
Natasha Leggero
11.
I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'
Natasha Leggero
12.
Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?
Natasha Leggero
13.
If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.
Natasha Leggero
14.
Pop culture, it's crazy. There's all this violence in video games. In 'Call of Duty,' people are literally just blowing other people up. Hey, let's protect your country from your couch while eating your sandwich.
Natasha Leggero
15.
Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'
Natasha Leggero
16.
Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.
Natasha Leggero
17.
Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?
Natasha Leggero
18.
I'm not 'one of the guys.' I don't want to pretend to be one on stage. I'm not going to dress like a guy or carry myself like one.
Natasha Leggero
19.
Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.
Natasha Leggero
20.
Lovin this Ghost Ghirls! It was great to get to play a madame not just a boring prostitute.
Natasha Leggero
21.
It's a human instinct to be known.
Natasha Leggero
22.
My friends who have babies can't do anything. You can't go out at night. Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.
Natasha Leggero
23.
I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.
Natasha Leggero
24.
I don't see the point of watching men exercise.
Natasha Leggero
25.
All these rappers on stage and Martha Stewart has done the most jail time.
Natasha Leggero
26.
The chasm between rich and poor is becoming larger, and I think it's interesting terrain to talk about and expose.
Natasha Leggero
27.
The idea that you're supposed to do everything on your own is absurd. You can't.
Natasha Leggero
28.
The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.
Natasha Leggero
29.
Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.
Natasha Leggero
30.
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.
Natasha Leggero
31.
Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?
Natasha Leggero
32.
Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.
Natasha Leggero
33.
In L.A., you tend to see a lot of people do very bizarre things. I love it.
Natasha Leggero
34.
Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.
Natasha Leggero
35.
I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.
Natasha Leggero
36.
TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.
Natasha Leggero
37.
I was raised Catholic in Rockford, Illinois. But I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore. Oh God, no.
Natasha Leggero
38.
Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.
Natasha Leggero
39.
I grew up as a child actress, not a child star. I was an actress - big difference.
Natasha Leggero
40.
Comedy is just one of the many professions that women are taking over.
Natasha Leggero
41.
I do think people are definitely sick of the Kardashians.
Natasha Leggero
42.
Doing TV is great, but TV is for starring on, not for watching.
Natasha Leggero
43.
How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?
Natasha Leggero
44.
Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.
Natasha Leggero
45.
There are different types of art, and you just have to follow where things take you. It helps me with my desire to perform live. That's something that a lot of actors and actresses don't get to experience on a regular basis.
Natasha Leggero
46.
My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'
Natasha Leggero
47.
The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.
Natasha Leggero
48.
In general, comedians are attracted to vice.
Natasha Leggero
49.
I love hard punch lines, and I like anything that has a strong point of view.
Natasha Leggero
50.
Guys should not be allowed to use the Internet all day long. So sad.
Natasha Leggero
