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Noel Fielding Quotes

English comedian, Birth: 21-5-1973 Noel Fielding Quotes
1.
People said, ‘You must be mad, or on drugs,’ which I found a bit disappointing. What about imagination? It reflects our time that people sooner assume you’re on drugs or mad, rather than free.
Noel Fielding

2.
No means yes in grasshopper language.
Noel Fielding

3.
Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.
Noel Fielding

4.
It's impossible to be unhappy while wearing a poncho!
Noel Fielding

5.
I had always drawn, every day as long as I had held a pencil, and just assumed everyone else had too…Art had saved me and helped me fit in…Art was always my saving grace…Comedy didn’t come until much later for me. I’ve always tried to combine the two things, art and comedy, and couldn’t make a choice between the two. It was always my ambition to make comedy with an art-school slant, and art that could be funny instead of po-faced.
Noel Fielding

Similar Authors: George Carlin Jay Leno Bill Maher David Letterman Jon Stewart Stephen Colbert Jimmy Fallon Craig Ferguson Mitch Hedberg Jim Gaffigan Rodney Dangerfield Ellen DeGeneres Robin Williams Joan Rivers David Sedaris
6.
All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.
Noel Fielding

7.
When I was 13 I told my dad I'd rather kill myself than do an ordinary job. He vaguely muttered something about how I'd need to earn a living somehow, but he's been totally behind me, forking out money he didn't really have to send me to university. Every other comedian I've met had to fight their parents to be allowed to do this but mine have been brilliant.
Noel Fielding

8.
Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.
Noel Fielding

Quote Topics by Noel Fielding: Funny Humor People Thinking Kids Children World Men Art Audience Dad Jobs Mean School Depressing Drunk Crowds Ponchos Imagination Way Hate Trying Baseball San Francisco Knives Space Eggs Age Difference Grandmother Reality
9.
I visited a friend in Leicester recently. It was 4am and we all ran around in a circle, six of us. It’s the most fun I’ve had since i was seven. And I thought: it’s not about drink, or drugs, or fancy clubs. It’s about running around in your socks, changing direction in a front room in Leicester.
Noel Fielding

10.
When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.
Noel Fielding

11.
I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards.
Noel Fielding

12.
Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.
Noel Fielding

13.
I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.
Noel Fielding

14.
I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.
Noel Fielding

15.
I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.
Noel Fielding

16.
You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas' eggs?
Noel Fielding

17.
When I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That's when I realised that violence wasn't funny. At all.
Noel Fielding

18.
My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.
Noel Fielding

19.
There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.
Noel Fielding

20.
Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!
Noel Fielding

21.
You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.
Noel Fielding

22.
Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
Noel Fielding

23.
Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.
Noel Fielding

24.
I couldn't have invented crisps. ... I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. ... I invented apples. ... I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil.
Noel Fielding

25.
The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
Noel Fielding

26.
My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.
Noel Fielding

27.
Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.
Noel Fielding

28.
I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"
Noel Fielding

29.
I don't pick stuff up, I knock stuff down!
Noel Fielding

30.
That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.
Noel Fielding

31.
I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.
Noel Fielding

32.
Things are different in the fantasy world Towels are different in the fantasy world Shows are different in the fantasy world Dancing's different in the fantasy world Unicorns No, they're the same Everything's different in the fantasy world
Noel Fielding

33.
We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys
Noel Fielding

34.
In comedy, you see yourself as a newcomer and then you realize you've been doing it for 18, 20 years, which is ridiculous.
Noel Fielding

35.
There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.
Noel Fielding

36.
I think I should be in a film called 'Space Shrews'. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it'll be a musical the ship will be built out of my own hair.
Noel Fielding

37.
I'm a mischievous drunk.
Noel Fielding

38.
I'd have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn't too harsh - a good comedy crowd - but that don't know necessarily what you're doing.
Noel Fielding

39.
When you're famous you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.
Noel Fielding

40.
When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.
Noel Fielding

41.
When you're quite young, your imagination's quite free.
Noel Fielding

42.
They call me the confuser. Is he a man... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.
Noel Fielding

43.
I find it depressing that people think you have to be on drugs to watch [my stuff], that’s a cop out, use your brain, use your imagination.
Noel Fielding

44.
I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they'll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.
Noel Fielding

45.
Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
Noel Fielding

46.
Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.
Noel Fielding

47.
If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly.
Noel Fielding

48.
It's very difficult once you've been on telly because people know what you do. They give you a little bit of grace but then they're harsher if you're not funny, so you have to be funny.
Noel Fielding

49.
I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.
Noel Fielding

50.
You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.
Noel Fielding