Ryan Stiles Quotes

If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!

Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.

I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.

I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

Two thongs don't make a right.

What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

The sky, the sky beyond the door is bluuuuuuue!

When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

Quiet! I'm expressing myself!

The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!

I look like Walt Disney just threw up.

I am breathing. That's how I'm staying alive!

If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.

If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.

I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.

I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.