Samantha Bee Quotes

Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

Sex with my first boyfriend was a little bit like learning how to put in a tampon, but only half as enjoyable!

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask.

There's always going to be someone who hates you. There's always going to be people who love you. It's a risk in either direction.

We definitely sometimes get stuff that's different that we were expecting. I mean, that's part of the joy and the terror of interviewing real, live people. Sometimes they come along the journey with you, and most of the time they don't.

As a viewer myself, I tend to gravitate toward projects that have a really strong voice of a strong creator.

You've got to have gumption. You've got to be willing to stand up on the stage for no money for ten years.

I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors.

If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show.

The worst thing you can do to a dictator is laugh at him.

It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

The best part about poker is there's no down side.

I believe in breakfast. It's the one meal that my kids usually eat without a fuss, so that's huge. As for myself, I can't function without it, and I see it as a great way to get some healthy greens in, some coffee, and on a good day, maybe even some news of the world via the newspaper.

Speaking for myself, I try to go out there on the stage and make jokes with people, so I'm not really thinking about the impact anything I have. If it does resonate with people, that's really great.

A lot of comedy is really DIY. You're kind of doing it yourself.

I find Donald Trump so haphazard, and that keeps me up at night.

The people I really feel sorry for are all the writers out there who wrote these outrageous comedic romps about a grossly unqualified person who goes on to become a Vice Presidential candidate in a hotly contested presidential race. With hilarious results. They must be so bummed.

It's fun to be surrounded by people that you love.

You need to be able to agree from time to time if we're going to get anywhere. Once you have started a civil dialogue, it's a much smoother road to compromise. The key thing to remember is it's a daily practice.

Hopefully the person I'm trying to create is just a funny, dour, evil side of myself that has no other way to express itself. I don't model it after anyone in particular. Who would be like that? Who? I wouldn't want to meet that person. I wouldn't want to be interviewed by that person, I can tell you that.

It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing.

There's a very fine line between political comedian and activist, and I don't really think I fall over into the activist category.

If you get mad about how your voice sounds when it comes out of your own mouth, it's not really my fault. Go ahead and be yourself.

It's weird how you can make people feel comfortable, and then ask them an uncomfortable question, but it doesn't ruin their day.

I was brought up to question things, but I was always a really quiet and shy child.

Nobody wants to have things blurted at them.

It's very Canadian of me - or maybe it's more the Catholic schoolgirl in me - but I always really want to do a good job.

I want to get a gold star. And I know that there are places that I need to go in order to get the story right. I'd rather do it right than have to do it twice.

I don't read anything about myself.

I don't feel like any of the things we're talking about are going to make the world end.

Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce.

I am a cookbook fanatic.

I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children's birthdays too.

I get maximum satisfaction out of buying children's clothes online.

I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we had a bookcase in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I would eat all my meals reading about meals I could have been having.

It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.