Andy Dick Quotes

The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else.

I have a spiritual advisor I call up, when I just feel lost. Lately, I've been talking to God. I developed this dialogue in rehab, this dialogue with God, and every day I talk to God.

Straight people say, 'You know you're just gay,' and gay people say, 'You know you're just gay.' There is such a thing as bisexual!

I know what you wanted to say, Do you think that electrocution rewired your brain to make you the retard that you are? You can say it, lady.

Yes, I direct commercials as well. I get these really weird offers and then I have to bid on them and win the job. One offer that I have now, and I've already done this last year for the same company, is for Cash Value Cheese, this cheese out in the midwest. I did two spots for them last year and I'm going to probably do three this year. I also did some for the Utah Transit Authority, which was weird and interesting and they turned out really funny - they actually won an award.

My parents just neglected me, I wasn't abused or anything.

I had no blood relatives till I made some.

People love to hate. I have a love-hate relationship with the world. The world loves to hate me.

There are atheists and Christians, and there are people in both groups who are a little too heavy-handed.

I guess I'm odd-looking. I'm skinny. But I'm not only skinny - I'm oddly shaped.

I'm really ultra-affected by things, I feel things deeper, and I cry at the drop of a hat, and offended and sensitive and I'm almost paranoid very easily, and that's who I am.

I laugh when I see people in pain. Sometimes I think it is a defense mechanism from childhood, where you're in so much pain you have to laugh. It is a survival mechanism.

I was a bad boy as a child.

It's kind of hard to believe that people love me.

I have a very dark sense of humor.

It's pretty hard to offend me. I actually think people are a little too easily offended.

I definitely know that I play the part, however big or small, in the deaths of at least two people, Chris Farley and Phil Hartmann.

Guilt is a weird thing to me. I don't have a lot of it.

I never really worked with Chris Farley, I hung out with him, but I had plans, I had big plans, movies, and I was in no hurry.

When I was a kid, I was afraid of other kids.

I don't like the word power, because I don't really care about power. No, that's not what it is. I like that I make people feel good. I like that I take them out of their mundane, boring slumber. And I wake them up, and they have fun.

Before I was known, I would go on stage and pretend I was other people. Once I pretended I was mentally handicapped. It was really wrong. One time I was a bad magician. And one time I pretended I was a Christian comic.

I believed in God my whole life.

He very nearly stole a scene in my movie, and I didn't call him on it because I was just like, Hey, I saw some stuff on SuperDeluxe and how many different films do you have on there? And he goes, This one, this one, Comedy by Numbers and this one and one called 'Bob Pitches a Movie.' And I'm like, Oh! And then I was thinking he would say, which is very similar to the one to the one I did in your movie, but he never did. I just let it go. I don't care.

I used to steal a lot. But I don't do that anymore, because I believe in karma.

I believed in God my whole life, and then strayed away from it in my teen-age years, until recently.

I know its corny, but laughter is a two-way gift, and hearing people laugh just warms me through and through.

I grew up Presbyterian, just a basic Protestant upbringing. There were years in my life when I would go to church every Sunday and to Sunday school. Then I just phased out of it.

I went to network on a handful of pilots, and going to network is the most stressful situation anybody can ever be in. You're supposed to be on point, you're supposed to be at the top of your game, the funniest you can be, in about five minutes, in front of people wearing suits who really don't care, and they've probably already picked their person, but they have to see a handful just to satisfy the process. It's the most horrible, horrible process known to man. I wouldn't want anybody to go through it.

You cannot be this successful without having God on your side.