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Bernard Manning Quotes

English comedian (d. 2007), Birth: 13-8-1930, Death: 18-6-2007
1.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

2.
I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.
Bernard Manning

3.
We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.
Bernard Manning

4.
I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.
Bernard Manning

5.
If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.
Bernard Manning

Similar Authors: David Letterman Stephen Colbert Jimmy Fallon Mitch Hedberg Robin Williams Groucho Marx Bill Hicks Henny Youngman Phyllis Diller Doug Stanhope Russell Brand Gabriel Iglesias Billy Connolly Johnny Carson George Burns
6.
I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.
Bernard Manning

7.
You are what you eat.....I've eaten so many fat cunts you wouldn't believe
Bernard Manning

8.
I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.
Bernard Manning

Quote Topics by Bernard Manning: Funny Laughing Rejected Silly Thinking Want Self Witty Law Christmas Believe Mind Sex Men Years Drink Sober Mother Sleep Fats Birthday Driving
9.
Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.
Bernard Manning