Jimmy Durante Quotes

Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy, And you will be happy, too.

Everybody wants to get into the act!

My nose isn't big. I just happen to have a very small head.

All of us have schnozzles... if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.

Everybody wants ta get inta da act!

Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

Don't put no constrictions on da people. Leave 'em ta hell alone.

What did Napolean do for relaxation? He read a book. What did Lincoln do for relaxation? He read a book. What does Congress do for relaxation? They book a red.

Me and my big mouth! I'd get rid of it, only it's such a handy place to keep my teeth.

I was hurt so deep that I made up my mind never to hurt anybody else, no matter what. I never made jokes about anybody's big ears, their stut-terin', or about them bein' off their nut.

At four o'clock in the morning most people have been asleep for hours, but at four o'clock in the morning the night-club children of a few years ago were just getting hot. The band jazzed at full blast. The air was so thick you could pick it up in handfulls and through it around like snowballs. The dance-floors were crowded with couples who couldn't do anything but wiggle hips and feet.

What's a depression? The dictionary says a depression is a dent. And what's a dent? Everybody knows a dent is a hole. And what's a hole? You tell me what's a hole! And I'll tell you that a hole is nothin'!

It dawned on me then that as long as I could laugh, I was safe from the world; and I have learned since that laughter keeps me safe from myself, too.

Start off each day with a song.

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

Don't put no constrictions on da people! Leave 'em the hell alone!

Now you know that you can't go wrong... If you start each day with a song.

Man is the only animal that can be skinned more than once.

Nobody realizes that I work 18 hours-a-day for a solid month to make that TV hour look like it's never been rehearsed!

To his orchestra Stop da music, stop da music! You're supposed to follow da music, not chase it all over da place.

I hate music, especially when it's played.

That's the conditions that prevail!