Ricky Gervais Quotes

The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.

The existence of God is not subjective. He either exists or he doesn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions. But you can’t have your own facts.

When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It's only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

I am not a wolf in sheep's clothing, I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing.

Famous people are above the law.

Same sex marriage isn't gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right.

Enjoy life. Have fun. Be kind. Have worth. Have friends. Be honest. Laugh. Die with dignity. Make the most of it. It's all we've got.

It's better to create something that others criticise than to create nothing and criticise others. Go create, have fun!!

Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Next time someone tells me they believe in God, I'll say 'Oh which one? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra?...' If they say 'Just God. I only believe in the one God,' I'll point out that they are nearly as atheistic as me. I don't believe in 2,870 gods, and they don't believe in 2,869.

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

Suggesting I hate people with religion because I hate religion is like suggesting I hate people with cancer because I hate cancer.

We shouldn't even need the word 'atheism'. If people didn't invent ridiculous imaginary gods, rational people wouldn't have to deny them.

I don't think it matters if there is a god or not. I've met people who believe in God that are good and that are bad. And I've met people who don't believe in God that are good and that are bad. So, just be good. I'm good. Not cos I think I'll go to heaven but because when I do something bad, I feel bad. And when I do something good, I feel good.

Be happy. It really annoys negative people.

You are the result of billions of years of evolution. You will only live for a few years and will never exist again. Absolutely beautiful

The grass isn't always greener on the other side!

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say 'I did that.'

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

Wearing cosmetics that were tested on animals makes you ugly on the inside

It’s a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It’s the opposite. We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for.

I've never been insulted by hateful satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in god, you're wrong.

If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?

Animals are not here for us to do as we please with. We are not their superiors, we are their equals. We are their family. Be kind to them.

I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.

Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do, if you're rational

Being an atheist makes someone a clearer thinking, fairer person. They [atheists] are not doing things to be rewarded in heaven; they're doing things because they're right, because they live by a moral code.

Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt.

Your God is the best God. In fact, he's the only God. All other Gods are ridiculous, made up rubbish. Not yours though. Yours is real.

Being on the edge isn't as safe, but the view is better

Where there's a will - there's a relative!

I like big escapist films. It's odd because the type of comedian I am and the things I do when I'm writing and directing myself usually deal with the darker side of the human psyche and excruciating social faux pas. I often deal in taboos and the subjects I do as a stand-up are quite challenging. But my film roles have been much more fun and escapist.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

I think doing something creative is the most important thing to me, and I think it's probably just good for the soul for anyone, whatever it is. You don't have to be a film director - you can do gardening or something - but I think everyone needs to create something.

We want to see a struggle. We want to see people falling over but getting themselves back up on their feet, and that's what's extraordinary- ordinary people and their struggle. There's nothing as interesting as real life out your window. You walk down the street for half an hour, I'll give you half an hour of drama.

Got a proper job at 28. Gave it up to try comedy at 38. Decided to get fit and healthy at 48. It's never too late. But do it now

It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be "You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?" I could tell you I've got superpowers. But I can't go up to people saying "Prove I can't fly." They'd go: "What do you mean 'Prove you can't fly'? Prove you can!"

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

I remember one review of The Office Christmas Special that compared it unfavourably to Dickens. What? You're saying I'm not as good as the greatest storyteller ever. Boo! Boo! I think I can live with that.

Everyday life is interesting enough, whether it be in an office or being ignored on the set of something supposedly more glamorous.

What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It’s the people, investment in people. My proudest moment here wasn’t when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went ‘Mr. Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?’. Didn’t happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish!

Some [people] are really smart. You know who you are. Some [people] are really thick. Unfortunately, you don't know who you are.

The simple fact is, offense is taken, not given.

You won't burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.